P1 You do not realize your error because you see your own case so “clearly” and continue to strengthen it by thinking in reverse. Bearing this tendency in mind, you will automatically cultivate an objectivity, which is one of the fundamental requirements for unselfishness and the capacity to love. The more you concentrate on how you have been hurt, the more difficult will it be for you to leave out your own little ego and see the other person’s point of view and to accept that which you cannot alter.
The more you battle against all that you cannot change—which is everything and everybody except yourself—the unhappier will you become. Accept another’s wrong in a healthy attitude of realizing that the wrong can never do you any harm in reality, but only so long as you prevail in the wrong attitude. Every crisis, every breakdown, is caused by a basic wrong attitude. In reality a breakdown is a childish temper tantrum—the degree is stronger, but the basic attitude is the same. When a breakdown occurs, the subconscious says, “You cannot do this to me; it is too much. I will be well again if the circumstances I abhor change to my liking.”
An entity going from one incarnation into another with an attitude in which self-will and selfpity prevail, tries to force the world to his or her own liking. When this cannot be done by power, other means are sought, such as sickness or a breakdown. The less you adjust to the world around you, to conditions that you cannot change, the more your life force goes into the wrong channel, becoming destructive instead of creative and regenerating.
The principle of insanity is the same as that of the mild tantrum. The basic attitude is the same both from a spiritual and psychological viewpoint; only the degree varies. The direction of the soul currents and the thoughts and emotions are the same in essence. Sanity and emotional health depend largely on the ability and willingness to adjust to any undesired condition by finding out what can be learned from it—by giving up the battle against it, relaxing inwardly, and concentrating on the cause in you that brought it about. So the only solution is to turn about and realize that first you must change before you can expect life to change for you.
P3 a) If you can give up the slight satisfaction in being hurt and wronged—yes, there is a satisfaction in it, added to the pain —and exchange it for the attitude described above, a much greater, fuller, and more durable satisfaction will be yours without the pain and disharmony.
Inferiority feelings are another reason for not having your own opinions. You are so certain that other people know better than you that you rely on their opinions rather than on your own.
b) Another motive for holding opinions not your own is a desire to conform. For instance, the child or the immature person feels different from her or his surroundings, has a feeling of not belonging, of being isolated and unique in a negative sense. This is why all children want to be like other children and feel deeply ashamed about their imagined difference.
c) Another motive for conforming and therefore not daring to seek one’s own opinions is in the area where you still rebel against authority.
d) Still another motive for holding others’ opinions is to cover up the exact wish that you deny yourself by adopting the opposite opinion.
e) I might add that often you hold an opinion only because it represents the exact opposite of a hated and rejected authority’s, be it a parent or someone else. In this case your motive is not conformity but the exact opposite. It is defiance, rebellion, and hate that make you hold the opinion. The validity of the opinion may be so strong that you cannot find the emotional and subjective reasons behind it. By listening to or feeling your reactions you will be able to get to their roots. Beware of your good reasoning capacity!
P6 Only if it becomes a pattern: when a subject is of importance to you and you cannot form an opinion, then you should look into yourself. If you examine the pattern, it will reveal something to you. You will find out why you are unable to form an opinion. What are the psychological reasons behind your inability? It could be a fear of committing yourself. It could be that a person constantly refrains from having opinions in order to avoid friction, to be liked and “respected,” to never differ from other people, or avoid a certain responsibility. From the moment you have a conviction, it entails a certain responsibility.
P7 You realize that a certain behavior on your part, being good and right in itself, was done without your feelings sustaining it. You have actually done the right thing out of weak and sick motives—bargaining for a reward, pacifying a guilt feeling, or nurturing a desire for self-destruction. All this adds up to compulsion. You do not have to commit a harmful and selfish act to be honest. It is sufficient that you recognize that your motives are not yet pure, that you are as yet incapable of having a pure motive of love.
P8 By such understanding, you will come to the point when you can love without expecting it back from the same source. You will recognize that a little gesture may have a greater meaning from one person than a great gesture from another.
—The Pathwork® Guide