Lecture 118 – Duality through Illusion – Transference | Abbreviated Version

P1             For as long as a person has not dealt with the flaws in himself that separate him from truth and reality, he or she has to live within conditions that manifest the illusory state. That state produces the conditions and the environment which, in turn, offer the only possible means to learn, recognize, and overcome the illusions. Humankind thus expresses a twofold split that manifests in many other ways, though this phenomenon is not truly understood.

The two-way split does not apply to the animal, plant, or mineral kingdoms, which are still in a lower state and find themselves in a more than twofold split. Meditation on abstractions cannot bring forth a profound understanding of this split. Discovering your personal unconscious misconceptions and how they create the various conflicts that force you to choose between 2 alternatives, which are both unsatisfactory, creating a state of hopelessness.

P2             If you examine your main problems and conflicts, the images, forcing currents, the defense mechanisms, pseudosolutions and wrong conclusions you have found so far, they will eventually reveal a basic inner attitude by which you are governed. This basic attitude is always split in half, which means that the fundamental attitude that underlies your negative involvement fluctuates between two ways of reacting, which represent your basic attitude to your parents.

Hence, your parents are not responsible for your problems, and yet their faulty behavior toward you has to be faced and understood, even though it will seem to you for a while that they induced your particular way of reacting. And this is true, but only because you already came into this lifetime with your duality, born out of illusion.

P3             What I mean is the automatic response, the stereotyped reaction that you repeat throughout life, reacting to others as you once did to your parents, without your being at all aware of it. These repetitive responses always apply to your basic split, your very own brand of duality. The child, starting a new life cycle, contains its personal unresolved conflicts.

The freshness and impressionability of the child’s psyche causes early experience to have a more extensive effect than a similar experience would have for an adult. As the split mends through comprehension and realization, your inner harmony must automatically increase. Stereotyped responses and blind automatism will diminish by the very act of consciousness.

P4             You will perceive the repetitiveness of your reactions, how you respond in later situations, to other people, in a way almost identical to the way you once responded to your parents. First it is important to understand intellectually that your parents represent your personal split, each parent representing one side of it. This is the nature of the karmic link, the reason and the necessity of choice.

Your brother or sister may have different reactions to them because they have a different kind of split. So, in the last analysis, your repetitive patterns are not caused by the faulty ways of your parents, but are the manifestation of your duality, which this particular set of parents could best represent and therefore bring out in you. It is very important to understand how the unbroken line of the original split with which you were born, continues from your parents to the later, constant reenactments.

P5             A small aspect of the phenomenon, this process of repetition, is called transference by modern psychology. Let us now try to gain a little more understanding, at least in theory, as to what this continual process of transferring does—from the inner split, to the parents, to other people, and to life situations. If the psyche is geared to the first response to the parents, you are unable to perceive what really is. You apply blindly to others what may have no application at all. You react and respond to illusion and not to the reality of the situation.

The trouble is that you force the other person into the very reaction that would not have been forthcoming had you relinquished the false premise that you would encounter it. If you harbor a belief of being rejected, the rejection will finally become a reality, because then your own behavior must be rejecting. Consequently, your false belief in your misconception is strengthened and you thereby widen the split. Being geared to the original experience, you are convinced that what is happening to you today is real. Though initially it is not, it becomes so only because of your reaction, which is based on a false premise. Therefore your reactions are not responsive to the real person, to the real situation, but to imagined persons and situations: your parents.

You do not live in reality; you do not respond according to reality but send your responses forth into thin air, as it were, and not at all to the person in front of you. What comes out of you is directed to what you think exists and not to what really exists. The stream of your consciousness, supposed to be directed to, let us say, person A, never reaches A. Although you believe it does, it is actually directed to the parental situation. Not being applicable to A, A often may feel this as an injustice. He or she may feel excluded or rejected. If A happens to be comparatively liberated from his own blind prison, his response will not add fuel to the fire because, perceiving reality much better, he will know it does not apply to him.

P6             You will see how you never fully reacted to your husband or wife, your child or friend as their own selves but rather as extensions of a previous experience of yours. This so-called transference from parents to others also applies to your children. Response to one parent may be reaction to, and correction of, an unwanted situation with the other parent – a compensation.

P7             QUESTION: Is not the influence of brothers and sisters almost as strong as the one exerted by parents? ANSWER: It is only a result of the relationship to the parents. Even if a relationship to a sibling is outwardly more problematic and negatively involved, it is secondary. If the matter is profoundly explored, it must be found that the sibling relationship is always directly related to the parental situation.

—The Pathwork® Guide