Lecture 133 – Love Not a Commandment, but as a Spontaneous Soul Movement of the Inner Self | Abbreviated Version

P1             When love exists, physical health, one of the most vital requisites in human life, must also be present. Love is a purifying force, and to the degree that it is lacking, all sorts of negative emotions will cause ill health, especially when the trouble remains unrecognized for a sufficiently long time. Where love exists, there must be successful human relationships because in love’s presence there is no fear, no distrust, no illusion.

Where one perceives reality in truth, one does not trust or distrust where it is inappropriate to do so. One accepts the other as he or she is, and adjusts one’s own feelings to what the reality is. The personality will find the fine borderline between apparent extremes, and will recognize the difference between the healthy and the distorted versions of an attitude.

An example would be demonstrating healthy assertion without deviating into unhealthy aggressiveness or hostility. Nor will you be confused between the alternatives of submissiveness and domination through self-will. You will know when to assert your rights without hostility against unjustified demands, where compliance would be destructive for all concerned. You will not be driven to the opposite of compliance, namely stubborn rebelliousness – because conceding always appears like a submissive, humiliating giving in.

You not only flee from involvement and contact with others, or from facing faults and destructive attitudes in yourself, but primarily you flee from allowing yourself to love. This prohibition causes all the other ills. The first is misinterpretation of reality, in other words, illusion. Illusion produces confusion along with a host of negative emotions such as fear, hostility, separateness, self-pity, ambivalence, and vindictiveness.

It is unthinkable when your innermost concepts, perceptions, and value systems are in accordance with reality that you could be afraid of loving. The second misunderstanding is the underestimation of the self and the consequent inferiority feelings. For in the moment you underestimate yourself you cannot possibly perceive the other person as real. By dint of your feelings of helpless weakness and inadequacy, others assume the role of giants against whom you defend yourself.

This may take the form of rejecting, resenting, or despising them, but not then does it occur to you to sense the other’s vulnerability and human needs. Therefore your underestimation of yourself forces you into a hostile role, no matter how this is camouflaged by outer submissiveness which, in itself, may appear as lovingness. The disturbed emotions and distorted perceptions form a nucleus, almost like a foreign body, in the soul.

Why is it so difficult for you to acknowledge this foreign body? Not only because of your fear that others will find fault with you and reject you, but also because of the underlying basic fear that the foreign body may be your ultimate self. When humans come to that vital part of themselves which responds not out of a “should,” but out of a natural, unquestioned “I want to,” the response is free, with an utter rightness that is hard to conceive until the inner live center has been experienced.

P4             Only by diligently taking stock of your non-love can you spontaneously feel your love. Only by painstakingly acknowledging your selfishness can you truly convince yourself of your potential unselfishness. When doing a daily review, examine your reactions of disharmony and meditate in the following sense: “If I am in disharmony, somewhere in me there must be a misinterpretation. I wish to see the truth. I declare that my will to be in truth is stronger than my resistance.”

Out of your solar plexus flow new wisdom, strength, serenity, and dynamic vitality. A fearless love for all creation, a security, an understanding of self and others, an ease in letting your soul movements flow forward in the beautiful rhythm of the cosmos permeates your soul. The next stage will gradually lead you to a state where you can feel the boundaries of this foreign body, even while occasionally still being immersed in it.

P5             Whenever you acknowledge the truth of each moment, you will be in peace, regardless of how much disturbance and unreality still exist in you as conditions to be gradually eliminated. Fully acknowledging your condition in the now must give you peace. So please understand and do not forget: It is not the problem itself, nor the conflict, nor even the misconception which create turmoil in your soul, but it is your running away from yourself.

You will be nearer to loving (when remembering these words) because reality and loving are much more interconnected than self-righteous trying and loving are. (answer after a question) Also, you often substitute fear for another emotion, so that when you are in fear you do not have to face your real emotion.

QUESTION: My hostility? ANSWER: Yes. It is hostility, it is hurt, and it is at times a kind of vindictiveness turned around so that you punish others with your state of unhappiness.

P6             It (fulfilment) lies solely in the acknowledgement of what you really feel and think at this moment. You make a successful attempt to reach your inner being, but suspecting something that fills you with dread and anxiety, you are instantly ready to turn away, and use the old means all over again, this time in a new guise. But when fear of rejection is analyzed, one always finds that childish fear which precludes love, regardless of how much love may otherwise exist in you. This great possibility (expanding) is frightening for the soul which is used to constantly holding itself together. The holding together happens by force of will, by force of mind, and by superimposing goodness.

P8             Yes, there is a healthy aggression. Healthy anger does exist. It is a false belief born of fear and obedience that occasional anger never exists in a truly spiritually evolved person. In the human realm, healthy anger is a necessity. Without anger, there would be no justice and no progress. The destructive forces would take over. Anger can be as healthy and necessary an occasional reaction as love is. It forms part of love.

It, too, comes spontaneously. It, too, cannot be forced. The cause cannot determine whether the emotion elicited is healthy or unhealthy anger. To the extent that an individual is capable of experiencing and expressing real love, he or she is capable of manifesting constructive, healthy anger. Real feelings cannot be forced, commanded, or superimposed. They are a spontaneous expression, happening as an organic, natural result of self-confrontation. Healthy anger does not necessarily manifest in physical violence.

The inner psyche fears that acknowledgement of negative emotions must lead to acting them out. When you are not aware of what you really feel and why, you are constantly driven, and suffer from all sorts of compulsions you cannot understand. A compulsion is the direct result of unacknowledged, unconscious feelings and conditions.

P9             Please repeat this in your daily meditation—all of you: “Awareness of what I feel, no matter how undesirable it may be, will make me free. I will have the choice of my actions only to the degree of my awareness. If I choose to verbally express these feelings when there is a good purpose, such as with my helper, I will do so. If I feel that such expression may impair a relationship, I will not do so, but will withhold it knowingly and without self-deception.”

There is a great difference if restraint is exercised because of demands from the outer world, or because you choose it with your own free will. But if your aim becomes to know what is it you really feel at this moment, then you have a realistic aim leading to instant release, truth, harmony, and dynamic progress.

P10           Where there is fear of expressing a justified anger, to that degree there must be fear of loving. Behind both fears is confusion, misconception, illusion. Ungenuine love is always connected with self-pity, resentment, hostility, and conflict. There is in it always the feeling of, “I ought to love, therefore I think I love, yet I do not want to love because then I will be taken advantage of. Since I ought to love and do not want to, I feel guilty and am bad.” When you feel this way you cannot express healthy anger. It is dissipated at the source, for you doubt your right to feel anger, since you do not dare to love.

—The Pathwork® Guide