Lecture 142 – Longing for and Fear of Happiness – Fear of Releasing the Ego | Abbreviated Version

P1             This fear (of happiness) is at a very deep level of the human psyche, way beneath the ordinary neurotic misconceptions and fears human beings harbor in their unconscious minds. The fear of happiness is directly related to the fear of letting go of one’s outer ego faculties. These are the capacities you have direct access to: your volitional thinking and the faculty I often call the outer will whose force can be directly exerted.

Your direct will can determine that you will move a hand, for example, how you will move it, and what action you are going to perform. Over your heartbeat or circulation, however, you have no direct control. The same difference between the two wills exists on a mental and emotional level. It is an exercise in futility to force yourself to harbor certain emotions, but by determining the direction of your thinking you can eventually change undesirable feelings. When the will is not used sufficiently, the ego gradually weakens. When the will is overexerted, it becomes so exhausted that it leads to escape from the self out of weak motives.

To properly let go a healthy, balanced ego is needed, not indoctrinated with false concepts, false fears, and destructive attitudes. All acts of creation in art and science, all great inventions, all truly enriching and lasting values emanate from the inner being, as do all spiritual experiences, the experience of the ecstasy of love between the sexes, and finally the great experience of physical death itself which human beings erroneously assume to be sad or horrible.

Loss of ego means death to you because you feel nonexistent. Threatened by this “I am not,” you tightly hold yourself together. Thus you equate your physical separateness with individuality. It is of course true that a weak and ineffectual ego diminishes your sense of individuality. Hence the ego must be strengthened, but for the sole purpose of relaxing it again, so that it can integrate with the indirectly accessible deeper and wiser self. Putting your identity exclusively into the outer ego, you must fear to let it go.

P4             The fundamental ones (separate magnetic energy fields), applying to all human beings, are: attitude toward work, human relationships in general, material values, physical health and outer life, appearance and activity; there is also one’s attitude to nature, art, pleasure and leisure, spiritual reality, self-development and permanent values, together with collecting and assimilating knowledge. When you try to directly control the result itself, you must be wasting your energy without being able to change a negative field into a positive.

However, you can directly control all that which makes up the negative magnetic field by examining yourself, your thoughts, feelings, and attitudes in this regard. You can directly control whether you wish either to continue the same thoughts, feelings, and attitudes, or to change them. First the realization must be made that a possibility of change does exist, and then the desire has to awaken to follow through, without shirking the effort that this change requires.

P5             When caught in a negative magnetic field, a person cannot press for change with the outer will; the outer will must be used to discover what the negative self-perpetuating field consists of, why it exists, and what is it in the self that has created it. As long as there is negativity and destructiveness within you, you must fear to let go of your outer, controlling ego. Since your destructiveness comes from a negative magnetic field and perpetuates it still further, letting go of outer control means giving this uncontrolled force free rein.

From this point of view your refusal to let go of the ego is understandable and even healthy selfprotection. It is understandable then, my friends, that you would fear to let go as long as there is a negative magnetic field in any area of your life. Ask what are the specific areas of the negative magnetic fields? It is very important that you see both the positive and the negative areas side by side. There is no one among you who has only negative magnetic fields. The negative fields contain all your destructive patterns of believing, thinking, feeling, and willing, which make you fear giving up the little ego. You will understand clearly why you fear happiness, why you fear letting go of outer control.

But once the negative magnetic fields are known and understood, they already begin to weaken in effect, and thereby a positive self-perpetuating magnetic field is slowly beginning to form. And how can trust in the universe be established in any other genuine way than by correcting negative fields with their ever-repeating undesirable and painful patterns? Even before they are transformed into positive fields, you will already know in principle that trust is justified, that underneath these negative fields there is something that can be trusted and activated by your outer mind, will, and thought orientation.

P6             Only in this way can the ego become strong and healthy and integrate with that utterly reliable inner being which functions in an indirect way. In this “indirection” life happens effortlessly, yet you are not a passive recipient. Things do not happen for you; they happen with and through you and make you automatically respond in an adequate way. First this anxiety may register only as a vague feeling of unrest, of impatience, or irritation. Instead of immediately trying to penetrate the anxiety or explain it away, put down some key words in writing.

It is important to do so, because otherwise it eludes you so easily. Just what are these moments when you feel uneasy? What was the occasion? What fleeting thought passed through you when the camouflaged anxiety came up? Try to pinpoint it. Hold it fast. When you collect this information over a period of a few days or a week, you will have a whole list of key words. Out of this a clear pattern or a common denominator will arise. As you acknowledge that you fear the truth, you can then say to yourself, “I will not fear the truth. This is an irrational, illogical, unfounded fear. My fear has no foundation in reality. I will not give in to it. I determine to make up my mind to face whatever it is. And I request all the help to do so.”

Here is a negative field. This negative field need not exist. It is not something given to me by a fate which cannot be changed. It can be changed, provided I understand exactly why the negative field exists and what makes it a negative, self-perpetuating process. Therefore, I declare that I am going to build a positive field which can only be done when my own negativity and destructiveness in this particular area becomes conscious. Where in this respect is my pleasure principle attached to a destructiveness? I intend to see all this.” Part of your resistance to correcting these unhappy areas is a hidden, irrational fear which comes from the misconception: “If I give up this entire structure, this entire field, consisting of my negativity and the pleasure attached to it, then there will be no pleasure.”

P8             Every single incarnated soul has unresolved problems and blocks. The healthy approach I recommend would be this: “Yes, I have a problem here. It is very possible that my still-existing problems might contribute to an imperfect relationship which might finally cease. But this is life and I intend to learn the utmost from everything and bring the most constructive attitude to what comes to pass.” You also must know that you cannot be drawn to anyone who does not have equal problems—more or less.

The most important thing is that you accept your present limitations with all their consequences. Do not think that on the other side of the fence are all other human beings and that they have no problems and only complete relationships. Do not believe that they never destroy anything while you are all alone on this side. Do not think that if only you could quickly get rid of this block, you too would be among the privileged ones. All people destroy chances constantly and inadvertently in the sphere of human life. But mistakes are not the end of the world.

P9             The more egocentric the little child within a person is, the more one-sidedly it expects only to receive. The weaker and more helpless such egocentric people become, the more they tend to blame themselves alone for the failure of a relationship. Since they experience only their own needs and desires, and since they believe only they count, they cannot share the brunt of failure when the relationship does not work. Nor can such a person be aware of his or her inner power to give to another person.

—The Pathwork® Guide