Lecture 157 – Infinite Possibilities in Experience Hindered by Emotional Dependency | Abbreviated Version

P1             First of all, it is necessary to understand that no one person creates anything new. It is also impossible for anything new to come into existence. However, it is possible for a person to make manifest something that already exists. There is no state of being, no experience, no situation, no concept, no feeling, no object that does not already exist. Everything in the world exists in a state of potentiality which already contains the finished product within it.

Knowing and understanding this principle of creation—that all exists already and that human beings can make these existing possibilities manifest—is one of the necessary prerequisites to experiencing the fullness of life’s infinite potential. Before you can create new possibilities of unfoldment and entirely new ranges of experience in your personal life, you must first learn to apply these laws of creation to the problem areas of your life where you feel troubled, limited, handicapped, or trapped.

Whatever possibility you can conceive of, you can realize. Suppose you are immersed in a conflict from which you cannot see a way out. If your concepts about the way out are hazy or unrealistic, so will be the temporary solutions that will appear to you as the only possibilities.

P2             If your life seems limited, it is only because you are convinced your life must be limited. Therefore, in order to expand your own possibilities of happiness, your mind must grasp the principle that you cannot bring something to life if you cannot first conceive of it. Wistful, resigned daydreaming that grabs fantasy as a substitute for drab reality is not at all what is meant here. You need to have a vigorous, active, dynamic concept of what is possible in reality.

Therefore, I invite every one of you to contemplate what you truly conceive of as possibilities for your life. Upon close examination of your mental and emotional processes you will find that you are negatively motivated to a considerable extent. It applies to the mental level, where you cannot really envisage the infinite vistas of experience, of expansion, of stimulation, of all sorts of wondrous and happy possibilities you have a prerogative to achieve in this life. It exists on the emotional level, where you do not allow the spontaneous and natural flow of your feelings, where you fearfully, anxiously, and suspiciously hold back.

It also exists on the physical level, in that you do not permit your body to experience the pleasure it is destined to experience. The misconceptions which are widespread in the world: “It is not possible to be really happy! Human life is very limited. Happiness, pleasure, and ecstasy are frivolous, selfish aims which truly spiritual people must abandon for the sake of their spiritual development. Sacrifice and renunciation are the keys to spiritual development.”

P3             Fear of happiness, of pleasure, of wide expansion into one’s life experiences is based on ignorance that such fulfillment could exist or that you possess all the powers, faculties, and resources to create and bring about what you wish. It is also based on misconceptions such as, “Pleasure is wrong,” or “It is selfish to want personal fulfillment.” Fear of happiness is also based on the fear of being annihilated and dissolved if you ever trusted the flow of the universal forces and went with them.

Such trust necessitates letting go of the ego-will and the ego-forces, and then surrendering to the beneficial forces of your deep nature. Every single human being in this world harbors an attitude of fear and weakness. When it comes to this area of the soul one is constantly compelled to sell out and betray oneself in order to ward off disapproval, censure, and rejection. This area of the personality has remained a child. The child does not yet know that the whole of the personality has grown up and is indeed no longer helpless and dependent.

A human being cannot live without pleasure. As an adult you are able to find through your own efforts and resources your own shelter, food, affection, and safety, so you are also able to do the same with pleasure. Your adult sense of fairness makes you sufficiently pliable to give in. And your sense of self makes you sufficiently assertive not to be stepped on and abused.

P4             When part of your development is arrested, you wait for another person, a parent-substitute, to make it possible for you to draw on the deep source of your own rich feelings. To deny the intense pleasure of being, the pleasure of feeling the energy flow of your body, soul, and spirit, is to deny life. Your adult conscious mind ignores the fact that a crying, demanding, angry, and helpless child still exists within you.

Your adult believes that you have grown up entirely. Yet on the unconscious level where this child exists, you are unaware that you have grown up and no longer need parental permission or a parent substitute as your source of pleasure and life. When you do not know that everything in the universe already exists, and that you can re-create it all by manifesting it in your own life, you feel dependent on an outside force or authority for all your wants and needs. You wait for fulfillment from the wrong source. Such waiting keeps your need perpetually unfulfilled.

The more unfulfilled it is, the more urgent the need becomes. The more urgent the need, the greater your dependency, your hope, and the more frantic your attempts to please the other who is supposed to fill your need. The more you try, the less you fulfill your need precisely because your attempts are unrealistic. Consciously you know none of this. You become desperate because in your urgency to have the need fulfilled you betray yourself, your truth, and the best in you. Your frustrated striving and your self-betrayal create a forcing-current, which is bound to make others resist and shrink back.

P5             The continued frustration, which you believe to be caused by the other person’s mean refusal to cooperate and to give, brings into your soul rage, fury, perhaps even vindictiveness and varying degrees of cruel impulses. This weakens the personality even more as guilt comes up. You conclude that your destructive feelings must be hidden so as not to antagonize this other person whom you perceive as the source of life. The fact that your need is not fulfilled by the other also weakens your conviction that you have a right to the pleasure you so much desire.

The more you doubt, the more dependent you become on reconfirmation by an outside authority—a parent-substitute, public opinion, or certain groups of people who represent the last word of truth to you. In this secret corner, you feel not only helpless and dependent, but also deeply ashamed. Your inability or difficulty to healthily assert yourself is a direct result of having to hide the underlying shameful and threatening forcing-current.

P6             Finding the treasure of your own nucleus, on the contrary, makes you free. By continually using inner, covert pressure on others because you believe you are dependent on them, you diminish your available energy supply. There are innumerable methods which human beings use in order to switch on this forcing-current. They include compliance in varying degrees, passive resistance, spite, withdrawal, refusal to cooperate, forceful outer aggression, intimidation, and persuasion through false strength and assumption of an authority role.

Deep down they all mean, “You must love me and give me what I need.” let go of the particular person or persons from whom you expect your life fulfillment and whom you simultaneously resent for this very fact. You must all recognize that you place expectations and make demands on others which no one else but you yourself can fulfill. You still claim a false perfection in order to favorable dispose others toward you. You live a makeshift life of avoidance rather than create an expansive, unfolding life filled with positive experience and pleasure.

P7             You also need to be willing to dispense with your rationalization that appears to make your case seem justified. But when using a hidden, emotional forcing-current, you go about seeking satisfaction in the wrong way and not granting the other person the same freedom you wish for yourself. You do not give the other person the right to freely choose whom to love and accept or the right not to be rejected and hated for asserting this freedom.

You do not even give the other the right to be wrong without being hated and totally denied. Verbalize concisely to yourself whatever you find you need from others. This will bring you nearer to letting go. Conversely, your inability to give up, to be fair, to let others free, your insistence to win and have your way, and your refusal to lose on the ego-level make it impossible for you to win where it counts.

P8             As you grant others the right to be, whether it is convenient to you or not, to that extent you will truly find your own rights.

—The Pathwork® Guide