Lecture 185 – Mutuality | Abbreviated Version

P1             Mutuality is a cosmic or spiritual law. No creation can take place unless mutuality exists. Mutuality means that two apparently or superficially different entities or aspects move toward one another for the purpose of uniting and making one comprehensive whole. They open up toward one another and cooperate with and affect one another to create a new divine manifestation. New forms of self-expression can only come into being when the self merges with something beyond itself.

Mutuality is the movement that bridges the gap between duality and unity. Wherever there is separation, mutuality must come into being in order to eliminate this separation. Nothing can be created unless mutuality exists, be it a new galaxy, a work of art, or a good relationship between human beings. Example. First the idea of the object must be formed in the mind. Without the creative inspiration and imagination by which the mind extends itself beyond its previous awareness of what already exists, not even a plan can be formed.

This creative aspect must then cooperate with the second aspect of mutuality, namely execution, which implies labour, effort, perseverance and self-discipline. Unless the creative idea and all those activities which are more mechanical and ego-determined work together in harmony, the object cannot be created. The first aspect, creative thinking and inspiration, can never complete creation unless the second aspect of execution is brought to bear on the venture.

The creative attitude is a free-flowing, spontaneous manifestation. Execution is an act that comes through the determination of the ego will. It is more mechanical and laborious, requiring consistency and effort. It has totally different characteristics from the spontaneous, effortless influx of creative ideas.

P2             The creative, spontaneous, effortless experience that initially brings two people together in attraction and love occurs all the time, yet this connection is rarely maintained. All sorts of explanations are given for this, yet what mostly happens is that the labour of working out the inner dissensions is neglected. The difference between the unified principle and the principle of mutuality is that the latter leads to unification and is actually the movement toward it. It is not yet unification itself.

Two expansive movements must flow out toward one another in a harmonious interplay of giving and receiving, of mutual cooperation, of positive opening. This means that, in fact, two Yes-currents must move toward each other. With respect to mutuality, humanity’s development can be determined by three gradations. The human being who is least developed and still full of fear and misconceptions is able to expand only very little. Since expansion and mutuality are interdependent, mutuality is impossible on this level to the degree that expansion is denied.

You may at times be quite aware of this fear and see how you hold back your energy, your feelings, and your vital forces, because you believe yourself to be safer through the control you exert when you are contracted. To the degree that this holds true you must have problems with mutuality.

P3             The only way the bliss and pleasure of expansion and union can be experienced for people at this stage (2nd stage)) is in fantasy. Such people are convinced that their strong longing indicates their actual readiness for a real mutuality. After all, they experience it so beautifully in their fantasies. That they still do not experience it in reality is ascribed to their lack of luck in meeting the proper partner with whom they could realize these fantasies.

When a partner finally appears, the old fear is still rampant. The soul movements contract and the fantasy cannot be realized. This is usually explained away by all sorts of outer circumstances, which may even be true. If the willingness is still lacking to face the deeper issues in truth, subterfuges and excuses are very necessary for the preservation of the ego. But failure in the relationship always indicates that the self is not yet ready to put true mutuality into practice. The pain and the confusion are often very profound in people trapped at this stage.

But this pain and confusion will eventually lead to the full commitment to recognize the real inner source of this fluctuation. But at one point on the road of individual evolution, everyone comes to recognize fully how painful this fluctuation is, which subsequently leads to a commitment to be open to mutuality and fulfillment, to interplay and expansion, to cooperation and positive pleasure. Needless to say that all steady relationships on this earth do not indicate real mutuality. In fact, very, very few do.

P4             Mutuality can exist only to the degree that the individuals involved know about and are in contact with the evil of their previously hidden destructive side. I emphasize here that mutuality is not absent because the evil aspects are still there, but because awareness of them is lacking. If you are alienated from your own unconscious, you must act out what deep in yourself you know exists within you.

You act it out with another person and affect the similarly unconscious and concealed level of that other person. You inner split must reappear as a split between you and others unless you are fully conscious of your own self. Consciousness must eventually lead to acceptance of what has previously been denied. Mutuality between you and yourself is absent when you reject the evil within you. Rejecting evil, you ignore and deny the vital, original creative energy that is contained in all evil.

P5             Only as a fully conscious person can you be whole. Only then can you not block the expansive movement and let yourself flow out into the universe of another entity, while remaining open to receive the other’s outflowing energy currents and soul movements. If you take your ongoing relationships and use them as yardsticks by which you gauge where your own inner split is and where you stand in your willingness to accept the negative in you, you will grow into greater self-acceptance.

Simultaneously, your ability to have mutuality will grow in proportion to your self-acceptance. Look closely at those relationships if anything troubles you about them. To what degree are you truly open to the reality of the other person? Your inability to cope with this acted-out, destructive behavior of others toward you again reflects your lack of awareness of when and how you are doing the same thing, though perhaps in a different way.

It is easier to first see your reactions against others. If you can use those reactions as indicators, it will be much easier for you to discover what you are doing to yourself. So, the principle of mutuality must first be applied to the relationship between you and your inner self. Only then can it be extended to your relationship with others. But let me say here, my friends, from the vantage point of a higher degree of consciousness, that all the separateness that appears so real in your realm is as much an illusion as the separateness between your two selves. It is an artifact that comes into being exclusively because of what is denied.

By closing your eyes and your consciousness to the total person you happen to be at this stage, you create these apparently two selves: the acceptable and the unacceptable. But in reality there are not two entities: they are both you, whether or not you choose to know this now. One consciousness permeates the universe and everything therein. But you can begin to experience this unity only when there is no longer any part of yourself that is excluded, denied, or split off.

When two separate human beings open up toward one another in mutuality, able to accept an open flow without contracting, the energy from one interpenetrates the energy field of the other, and vice versa. It is a constant interflow and exchange. It is otherwise with the people who remain separate, who contract, and cannot open up to mutuality; two such people remain enclosed, each like an island, with little or no energy being exchanged. And when exchange of energy is blocked, the great evolutionary plan is delayed.

In the case where a person can open only when there is no chance of mutuality, or when a Yes-current must be met with a No-current because mutuality still seems too frightening, one energy flow streams out but reverberates and bounces back, thrown back by the closed energy field of the other. The latter is like a wall that throws off any incoming flow.

—The Pathwork® Guide