Lecture 188 – Affecting or Being Affected | Abbreviated Version

P1             The real existence is light and beauty. In the real existence there is nothing to fear. To give it (fear) up requires effort and the willingness to change and chance unknown modes of living and being. What is the fear, my friends? It exists in many forms and variations, yet there is one common denominator—you fear the destructive and demonic aspects of temporary, distorted parts of your inner being.

Your consciousness, in its separation, cannot reconcile itself to these destructive aspects. It fears being overwhelmed by the destructive energies just because it has never accepted them. There can be no way into blissful reality unless you give up the wishful thinking that makes you unwilling to face the irrational, destructive aspects of yourself. The conflict is the following: On the primitive, irrational level you hate and want to destroy senselessly, and hardly know any longer why you hate and want to destroy.

P2             On this level you are totally egotistical and therefore unwilling to accept any frustration, little or big. Whatever the reasons may be, the irrational hate and wish to destroy exists in every single human being. You manage not to be aware of your hate and destructiveness, and that is the root of all emotional sickness and suffering. As you progress in the discipline of facing yourself you become more able to accept your destructiveness and thus transcend it. Hidden guilt is devastating, because it creates a vicious circle by itself that maintains the destructiveness.

The guiltier you feel, the more you hide what makes you feel guilty and the less capable you become of dissolving and transforming it. This incapacity in turn increases the guilt. The more you hide from yourself, the more you frustrate yourself and deprive yourself of the good that life is meant to be. Now, how is this guilt to be handled? There are two basic schools of thought that have existed throughout the ages. One says that you are not responsible for your feelings and unmanifested attitudes. You are responsible only for your actions. The other school of thought says that thoughts and attitudes are living realities and have an effect on others. Thus, a true guilt exists for these thoughts and attitudes.

I just said that it is unthinkable for hidden hate not to manifest in some way, even if the personality refrains from active deeds. Holding back from loving and giving is also an action. But the underlying seething hatred prevents positive deeds of loving and giving; it prevents one from contributing to life. Can both alternatives be true? You need to realize that your guilt for your primitive destructive self is more destructive than the evil part itself. Nevertheless, your thoughts, feelings, wishes, and attitudes do have power.

You can reconcile these apparently opposite truths only by your honest attempts to make your own destructiveness conscious without justifying it by the destructiveness or limitation of others. The moment you do this, you inactivate destructiveness, without denying or hiding it. For example, when you are in denial, you need to blame and accuse to make others responsible for what you feel too guilty about to face squarely. In effect, you say, “I am dependent on the other’s evil or freedom from evil.” If on a semiconscious level you express this message into life, on a deeper level of your unconscious you must pay the price and follow through.

You must then also express into life, “My evil is responsible for the suffering of others.” Thus you fluctuate between infantile dependency, in the illusion that you are helpless in the face of the other’s wrongdoing, and omnipotence, in the illusion that others are victimized by your incompleteness. You will know from personal experience that as you can be affected by the destructiveness of others only to the degree that you ignore your own negativities, so can others be affected by your negativities only to the degree that they deny theirs.

Whenever there is negative interaction, both must share the responsibility. If the other person is not willing, this will no longer present a debilitating frustration for you. You no longer depend on proving your innocence. Face your evil—your irrationality and primitive, destructive aspects—without losing sight of the fact that this is only a minor aspect of you.

P4             You can verify every day of your life, if you truly look at your interactions in your relationships, that the key to life is the honest acknowledgment of your primitive, destructive part. Of course you also affect others from your positive, self-realized, purified levels of being. On the level of actions and words, you have a particular strength, a direct influence for the good, and you set an example. On the unconscious levels your pure energy can penetrate the murkiness and disperse the poison of others’ negativity.

Thus, a free person can bypass evil layers and activate the best in others. You affect the equally liberated levels of psychic reality of others, so that a marvelous energy is increasingly generated. It seeps through the murkiness and darkness that the negativities create. And you now know what this strength (positive affecting) in you depends on: constantly acknowledging the irrational destructiveness in you. When you are in an in-between state, sometimes using this key but sometimes not, there will be a fluctuating battle between you and others on the unconscious levels.

P5             True immunity to others’ destructiveness comes only when this dependency no longer exists. When another’s negativity does affect you, there must be self-doubt and guilt in you as a result of not having faced all your confusions and destructive impulses. When you are so affected by others’ negativities, you must indeed explore what makes you so vulnerable. This dependency and vulnerability on the psychic level corresponds to a psychological refutation of self-responsibility and to the insistence on blaming life or others for your misery. When you abandon your defenses, you can melt with life, melt with the psychic substances of others, exchanging love and truth. Universal truth manifests uniquely in each individual.

P6             On the other hand, you cannot live completely exposed as you are now, because you have not explored those levels of your being where you blame others for their evil because you shy away from facing your own. In this state you are extremely vulnerable—which might be rationalized by a prideful claim of being “sensitive.” But this sensitivity is not a sign of a unique individuality in the divine sense. It is a distortion in itself, and as such, unnecessary. In this “sensitive” state, everything must hurt and penetrate you.

It is your task to find a mode of being in which you are adequately and realistically defended, rather than self-destructively and unrealistically. The realistic and adequate defense against the evil of others is the daily, direct, determined and thorough confrontation of your own. The signs of your hidden evil are always there in your anxious, angry, confused reactions. You must surge on to become wholly yourself, and therefore no longer in need of destructive defenses that separate you and shift responsibility for your state onto others.

Most days offer opportunities to do this. Your many reactions of discomfort with yourself and others are the clues. Examine them. In the incidents in your life, and your reactions to them, you meet the greatest therapist of all: life itself. Unfortunately, again and again, the temptation to concentrate and focus on the other person’s shortcomings or evil separates you from where you should be.

P7             You will find your real values only when you muster the courage to find your evil, distorted aspects. Then you will find your true capacity to love and be loved—not as a mere ideal, or an illusion, but as an everyday reality in your life.

—The Pathwork® Guide