Lecture 206 – Desire, Creative or Destructive | Abbreviated Version

P1             Every attitude, every expression, every feeling creates an energy movement (positive as well as negative) in your system—a specific soul movement. Observe these movements. Do you feel a tightness? Is the movement blocked and stopped completely because of the tightness, or is it absent in its expression? Is it hard-edged, pointed, disharmonious and raw? Is it a smooth, enlivening, soft flow?

When you feel good, happy, open and alive, the soul movements are very smooth and soft, yet in this very softness lies an enormous strength. When the movement is stopped, you feel dead. When the movement is hurtful, raw, edgy or pointed, you feel anxious, upset, apprehensive.

P2             Let us now deal with the soul movements of wanting, wishing or desiring. Eastern philosophy expounds on desirelessness as a necessary state. It is untrue in the sense that if desire is absent, it is impossible to create. You create by visualizing a new state of being. To do so, the desire must exist. If the desire is too strong, too tight, if it evolves out of a misconception that implies any kind of a “must,” the desire is no longer a desire, but a demand, a threat, a forcing-current that says: “I must have or else I will perish, will suffer unfairly and unbearably, will be unfairly treated.”

The right kind of desire must become so relaxed that it does not have to be fulfilled. If you can strongly desire with an attitude of “I can live without my wish being fulfilled, I can go through the pain of not having it and not be annihilated, defeated, unhappy,” then the power of such a desire is truly limitless. The energy that is released through the absence of fear and of manipulation even on the subtlest of levels is enormous.

Your very desire must also be desireless. Evil resists what is and thus splits itself off from itself, forever fragmenting consciousness into “smaller,” or more limited, particles. They can all come together again through the great act of acceptance, or non-resistance in the right way.

P3             The tightness, the saying “no” to something—whatever it is in the universe—the false, cramped “no,” creates a harsh, tight soul movement, a movement that is full of sharp, cutting edges which are pointed and hurtful. It would be a mistake to interpret acceptance of all feelings and experiences to mean that you should not refute certain experiences or actions that people commit against you.

If you do not fear pain, you can stand up for yourself and will not allow others to be deceitful, destructive, dishonest and abusive in their subterfuges and games. You cannot fear confrontation when you can experience pain. True resilient strength and fearless self-assertion rest upon the ability to accept what is and to deal with it without manipulation. The conviction that pain and disappointment must not exist creates a very tight and pointed “no” movement.

If you can proceed to the point of view that no experience on earth can come to you that you are not capable of handling, a great deal of tightness will dissipate, make room for creative movement, and also eliminate a lot of fear. The pain of accepting the absence of something desired affords you the possibility of transcending the emptiness and finding the hidden fullness behind it. This is the law of life.

P4             Everything seems to hinge on how you react to pain—be it the pain of experiencing something, or experiencing the lack of it. Can you trust pain as the universe is supposed to be trusted? If you distrust pain you distrust the universe, for you cannot split off any single existing experience from the rest of creation.

Determine what they (your soul movements) mean, what feeling and attitude they represent, what thought pattern and type of desire they express. This new emphasis doesn’t imply that you are beyond your negativities, but that you are sufficiently aware of them. The very negativities that still exist will be seen in a new light and in another dynamic expression. To be able to tune into your inner movements, you have to cultivate the ability to concentrate.

P5             Admitting the impulse but not acting on it requires inner prayer, commitment to the truth and the goodwill to let God within you fill you with the action and knowledge. You cannot fail to become receptive finally to the beautiful, eternal you, if you fully commit yourself to seeing and accepting both the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the divine and the evil. If you wish to own up to both, you will find both—and will come to see that the good is real and eternal, while the bad is only a temporary aberration and not the final you.

Begin to focus on both the ugliness and the beauty. See that the very fact that you own up to the ugliness comes from the beauty. For only the divine infiltration of the self makes the self capable of even wanting to be in truth, of having the courage to do so. When you are very tempted to accuse the other person, ask yourself, “What is ugly in me and what is ugly in him or her?”

And then ask, “What is beautiful in me and what is beautiful in him or her?” But really mean these questions. Leave the questions open and wait for the answers until you are receptive enough for them to reveal themselves to you. Even if you no longer blame others and exonerate yourself, even if you admit your own negativity, you often do so because this is how it is supposed to be now, but you do not emotionally experience this.

P6             You desire to blame because you do not desire to see yourself. Such unhealthy, distorted desire, contrary to the truth of being, creates a constant threat that the untruthful, the unrealistic will sooner or later be exposed. Therefore a protective, defensive tightness is put into both desires, which influences the soul current. As you take full responsibility for the desire to blame, open your heart in a relaxed, new way to welcome the desire not to blame. In doing so, you can see truth in you and in the other.

When you blame, you are never in truth, even if what you see is partially true. Seeing truth does not mean that either you or the other will be totally exonerated of all negativity. But a truthful understanding of the negativity is possible only when you are totally engaged in and committed to seeing yourself truthfully. The moment you do so all guilt, self-rejection and self-blame disappear. Desire and receptivity do not refer to an expectation of external forces. Rather I am referring to an inner creative process of suddenly seeing reality in a new and sharper light. This sharp light is the grace of truth and love that is freeing and yet safe.

P7             The love of the universe is in every cell of your being, in every particle of your psychic processes. Try to know and feel this. Try to tune in to this.

—The Pathwork® Guide