Lecture 220 – Re-Awakening from Pre-Incarnatory Anesthesia | Abbreviated Version

P1             Before you are born into this life, a process of anesthesia sets in. The awakening is partial and gradual. As you grow physically, mentally, and emotionally, you grope to rediscover your inner knowledge. In your spiritual reality, where the total entity that you are truly belongs, you decide upon a reappearance in this dimension. That is when you are deliberately anesthetized.

After all plans for your life on the material plane are thoroughly discussed and assimilated, you lose consciousness. At birth, there is an awakening to a slight degree—slight in relation to its actual state. The limited part of the entity that takes possession of the infant body finds itself awake to physical sensations and functioning, and certain limited perception and awareness; none of these can be properly assessed, interpreted, or assimilated.

P2             The first years—roughly, the first twenty-two to twenty-five years, although this cannot be generalized—are primarily focused on acquiring outer knowledge. Provided the process is meaningful and organic, the focus should then go to acquiring knowledge that transcends the physical reality: inner, spiritual knowledge.

And all of it is necessary: the groping process, the process of trial and error, searching, often being confused and not knowing, dealing with the not knowing in a constructive way, finding the often precarious balance between patience and humility for the grace of knowledge to communicate itself on the one hand, and serious commitment, endeavor, focused will and healthy aggression on the other. This process is the key.

I discussed how the “mass” of consciousness spreads, filling the void. As it does so, particles of consciousness lose themselves. The essential divine consciousness, in its beauty, wisdom, and benign power, functions in a limited and distorted way. In this process the separated particles—which are individual entities—must find the way back on their own, by dint of reawakening the divine potentials always present, even in the most separated aspects.

P3             Suppose you were consciously to know, now, all that you deeply know. Then the undeveloped aspects in you would not find, under their own steam, their innate essence. They would be swept along, as it were, by the already knowing, already developed aspects. They would therefore always represent an unreliable element. They would essentially, although not necessarily manifestly, blur the beauty, vitality, creativity, and wisdom of the rest of your being.

They would be carried by the surge of the glory of God-consciousness, but they would not be totally infused with it. Purification and evolution mean that every smallest aspect of all that is must be infused with its own essence. These aspects (negative) flare up, at an early stage of your development, by themselves, without provocation from outside. These aspects are so strong that you activate them, initiating negativity, regardless of what the outer situation is.

As your development proceeds, this changes. The negative aspects cease to manifest by themselves. They need outer provocation. You respond with them to the initiating negativity of others around you. Matter obstructs and frustrates. The very fact of living in this dimension of reality—which is your production, of course—is always a challenge. Imagine that you lived under circumstances so sublime, favorable and bliss-producing, that even the worst in you would not find occasion to express itself.

Then the worst in you would remain dormant, unexposed, and would not go through its necessary process of purification. You are often convinced, and partially rightly so, that if others did not do this or that, you would be fine, you would stay in a state of harmony and bliss. The blurred areas in you would, however, continue to smolder, because without their manifestation you would not know of their existence. They need exactly to be triggered off, they need the exposure and provocation.

P4             Thus out of a lack of knowledge, knowledge is developed. Out of the darkness light develops. Even in the darkest, most ignorant part is the essence of knowledge and light. So when the knowledge and light are brought forth from within your own limitations, purification is thorough, reliable and real. Then each particle, each aspect of consciousness has brought forth its own “minuscule Godness,” so to speak.

You also experience on your path that the more courage you muster to face your truth, the more humility and honesty you bring to bear on your whole inner person, the more alert and awake you become. You begin to recognize others’ negativities without being personally affected or disturbed by them. You comprehend intuitively the connections that make the transgression no longer a personal annihilation.

As channels open, a new focusing can set in. You can begin very deliberately to listen into the inner universe, the place from which all wisdom flows into your outer being. It is a gradual process, yet it can be sudden in its manifestation. The state in which you hear the inner voice must be fought for in a positive, relaxed sense. It must be gained and regained, for it is lost over and over again. The focusing must be done quite deliberately after a certain stage of development and purification has been reached.

The whole of humanity is conditioned to focus only on certain phenomena, outside and inside, at the exclusion of other aspects of reality, until only that which is in their focus seems real. A whole world exists around you which you do not see or experience. This limitation of perception is the result of a conditioned reflex in focusing, which, in turn, is the result of anesthesia.

P5             The voice of God has always spoken to you. It continues to speak to you –always adapted exactly to what you need most at any given moment in your life. It is the voice that you overlooked and kept out of focus so that you were left with the illusion of silence. It is impossible to refocus on this beautiful voice by skipping over the confrontation with the Lower Self that also always speaks to you. Your ego has to learn to distinguish between them.

The voice of the Lower Self says, “I want it for me. I do not care about others.” That part of you believes in a mutual exclusivity, in a division of interests between you and others, and that it must triumph at the expense of others. Question the voices of meanness and malice, your stake in seeing others as bad, and not wishing to make room to even doubt this. Simultaneously see that you—or a part of you—doubt the beauty and trustworthiness of the universe. Question the voice of fear, question its lack of faith, and confront it sincerely.

Then the ongoing voice of God will be heard. Had you always heard the divine voice, purification could not have taken place. You would not have been able to focus on the negative, or deal with it. In a sense, focusing away from the divine voice is the anesthesia that your self deliberately chooses for the incarnatory process. The negative self does not want to know itself. Yet the divine voice leads the negative self to know itself.

P6             You can learn to listen to the whole, wonderful universe, an ongoing, alive phenomenon. You dwell in this universe and it dwells in you. You can discover it by focusing on it. Another good tool is to heed your reactions. Assess your feelings. But your ego-self must want and ask for this guidance. If you want the truth, open yourself, and humbly ask: “What do I need to see in myself? Where am I still blind?”

You must learn to question yourself about the extent to which wishful thinking may be coloring the reception. Beware also of the opposite danger: To what extent does fear of wishful thinking color the reception and obstruct the truth that would only be too welcome? You must test it out and explore your inner self. Do you sense any desire to cheat, or to avoid? If there were hard-and-fast rules, that security would not come. It can come only through the process of groping, learning, making mistakes.

—The Pathwork® Guide