P1 Because the negativities are in themselves a more subtle protective layer that obscures the perfection of your inner being, they must surface first. But beyond them, the most positive, creative reality that you are can and will emerge when you commit yourself to be fully open and undefended. You erroneously assume that undefended you cannot protect yourself against abuse.
Only when your Higher Self functions, when you are free from self-serving attitudes, when you are true to your inborn integrity, when you follow the divine laws of the universe, can you be strong enough for real, genuine protection, assertion and confrontation. Only then can you be free from guilt, and therefore from anxiety, insecurity, confusion and fear. Think of dropping your defenses, not only toward the outside, but also as an opening inward. Have the courage and faith in your deepest perfection, so that you can trustingly allow the overlayers of the Lower Self to emerge, so that you can recognize and transform them.
P2 What is your attitude toward leadership? Let us look at conflicting attitudes first. You envy leadership in others. You are also competitive, but often conceal this feeling from yourself and then become resentful. You are quite efficient in creating cases that are supposed to substantiate and justify your very unjustified feelings and thoughts. You reactivate, often unnecessarily, your old, already obsolete authority problem. Anyone who is a leader in the truest sense of the word becomes your enemy and you believe that the leader is out to punish and deprive you.
Since you envy the leaders, you also want to be a leader. Yet you do not want to assume the responsibilities that go with leadership. Then you resent the truer leaders for “taking it away from you,” or for not “giving you” the prerogatives of leadership. Another conflicting attitude is that you want a leader for your own benefit, someone who is so strong, powerful and benignly disposed toward you, and exclusively concerned with your lower-self desires, that you can indulge in every destructive action/attitude without facing the consequences. This figure should give you all the privileges without “demanding” from you love, giving, a sense of responsibility, fairness. You call it “transference,” of making this superfigure your parents.
P3 Leadership must begin in apparently invisible, unnoticed attitudes toward yourself and your immediate environment, with very simple little steps. You do not consider that you may indeed have outgrown your jealousies, your competitiveness, your ungivingness, your selfishness, your lack of concern, your unlovingness, your blaming, and your resenting others for the results of your own ungivingness.
You are now well in the position of recognizing such negativities, but you often fail to question yourself, do you really have to be there still? But precisely because of this growth the remaining stagnancies have heavier impact and more serious repercussions. This is a law of growth. Can you perhaps now make a different choice whenever the old negative reactions still recur? You act as though you were being prevented from executing your own capacity to be a true leader.
(1) Above anything else, a leader, has to want to give unselfishly. You give only begrudgingly, with ulterior motives, second thoughts, calculating inner bargains, leaving little back doors open. In another sense true giving is demanded of you, for if you want the privileges of leadership the price is giving. The laws of life and creation always “demand,” that they be obeyed because they have been created in perfection. Yet you act as if this were an unfair price, and are full of outraged rebellion and resentment, for which you often manage to find justification.
P4 Giving is a very simple act which includes also the thought and the intentionality behind the act. In true giving, you state: “I want to be an instrument of divine reality to enrich the world through the divinity that wants to express itself through me. I want to do this not for my ego aggrandizement nor for any other ulterior motive.” If your giving is faked, neither anyone else’s giving, nor life’s abundance can be received by you.
At the same time, other people’s true giving, and the appreciation, the abundance in material and emotional goods they receive for it, will fill you with envy. True giving is an act of love. And if you do not love and if you do not wish to learn to love, you cannot fulfill your deepest yearning. (2) Another quality for leadership is the ability to be impartial and objective. You refuse to see your personal stake and desires in an issue and build justifications.
Admit how you bend reality according to the emotional colorations of your desires. For if you are blinded, your assessments cannot be objective and impartial. It is a sign of greatness to know that you are, in this or that area, full of disturbing, turbulent emotions, full of conflict, and cannot therefore form an opinion. By doing so you take a great step toward developing the capacity to become a trustworthy, reliable leader. You can have the objectivity of knowing that you are not objective.
(3) Another quality of leadership is the willingness to risk exposure and criticism. If you fear and guard against it, and yet grab for leadership because you like its advantages, the power and prestige, then again you defeat the purpose. If you cannot bear the momentary pain of being misunderstood, criticized—rightly or wrongly—then you do not have the firm foundation necessary for a true leader.
(4) Still another absolutely essential quality of leadership is the proper attitude toward frustration. True unification and wholeness of the personality can only come when the dichotomy of frustration versus fulfillment has been conciliated. You can be sure that as long as you experience frustration you have to learn from it.
What kind of approach would be fruitful toward frustration and would eventually lead to its transcendence? (1) The following attitude: “If what I experience is painful or undesirable, I will trust it anyway; I will trust my faculties to bear it, to relax into it, to learn from it, to handle it and make the best of it. Perhaps it is not a catastrophe, perhaps something good can come from it.”
For your anxiety is fostered by your dependence on something that cannot be and by your assumption that you have to manipulate reality around you to suit your most infantile misconceptions and unreal needs for instant gratification. Make room for relaxing your reaction of utter disgust and outrage about frustration, to challenge and question this reaction, to consider it as being possibly faulty and erroneous.
(2) What does this particular frustration have to teach you? For there is no frustration that does not contain a joyful, valuable, liberating lesson. You are so bent on battling the occurrence of frustration that the lesson gets lost and you pass by an opportunity. So you create the necessity for such opportunities to inevitably repeat themselves. You can make frustration a friend by courageously and intelligently wishing to explore its meaning and allowing it to be your teacher and your therapist.
(3) The discovery of the meaning. For him who knocks, the door shall be opened; he who searches must find. The realization of how necessary this lesson is, what you gain from it in new strength, wisdom, liberation, will already alter your outlook toward frustration. Now you can begin to practice something very beautiful. You know, at least theoretically, that the reality of God exists in every fraction of second in time, in every fraction of measurement, in every fraction of experience, in everything that is, whether it be an entity, a being, a creation, an object, an experience.
Divine reality in its great joyous truth and aliveness and meaningfulness and purposefulness lives in everything that is, that ever was, and that ever will be. You will perhaps be able to focus into it in a meditative attuning, and let yourself fully experience that point of frustration and flow with it, go with it, accept it, embrace it. You will discover in its deepest one-pointedness the divinity of life, the divinity of a particular frustration.
It will become the highest fulfillment imaginable. That is the point where you have mastered and truly transcended it and found the divinity of it, where all is one, where there is God and fulfillment within the frustration. With your unwillingness to expose yourself to the possibility of being frustrated, you confine your life to very narrow limits and make yourself unnecessarily vulnerable in a brittle way.
P8 It is only the outer, separated, obsolete part of the self that still takes such dominance because your willful personality allies itself with it, rather than with what is so much stronger and so much more real and ready to emerge into manifestation.
—The Pathwork® Guide