Lecture 251 – The Evolution and Spiritual Meaning of Marriage | Abbreviated Version

P1             The spiritual forces are so strong that an unpurified personality cannot bear them. To the degree that negativity and distortion exist in an individual’s mind and consciousness, these powerful currents manifest as crisis, pain, and danger. Throughout history, marriage served a number of functions, but least of all sharing, love, or mutuality on all levels of the personality. Marriage was supposed to be a financial and social contract to satisfy other personality functions and lower motives.

Even more significant was the absolute conviction that these motives were morally right and virtuous. Men considered themselves the superiors of women. Her only responsibility was to be an adequate object for her master. Obviously this was not only the result of men’s distortion and negativity; it was just as much the result of a strongly embedded intentionality in the woman’s psyche. Women refused self-responsibility on all levels for the longest time and therefore co-created the unequal relationship between the sexes. Both sexes equally feared, and still fear, the powerful spiritual energies involved in the forces of love, eros, and sex.

This power is the creative stream itself from which everything is made. Sexuality that manifests without love, respect and commitment, is just such a split-off, denied power current. Another human error is the belief is that a married couple faithful to one another is necessarily beyond the stage of split-off sexuality. A man can give relative honor and love to a woman he has married, in spite of deeming her inferior, yet blot out her reality during the act of sexual union. This act can be performed only when the woman becomes a low object in the man’s mind.

P3             For the woman, the denial of the unified power current often manifested in total denial of the sexual reality of her body. Whenever her sexuality manifested in spite of all attempts to deny it, she experienced it with guilt and shame. Both (male and female) are afraid of the love-sex current that is unified through the power of eros, through the power of mutuality in soul development and commitment to each other, through personal purification.

Self-purification was practically nonexistent for the average person, existing only in the churches to any important degree. But there again, the full power of the current was diminished by the edict of celibacy. The mystical ecstasy is simply the release of a spiritual power current in which God is experienced as a living and physical reality. This can also ideally happen through the melding of a man and a woman who are sufficiently free from fear, who follow together a path of self-purification.

Their union will release this inner power current so that they will experience God in themselves and in each other. The appropriate attitude toward fear of the full power current is acceptance; gentle training is needed so that the personality can gradually acclimatize itself to this high-powered force and bear it in comfort. This happens through a process of development over many incarnations.

The real sinfulness of the attitude toward marriage that prevailed until recently resulted from secondary guilt. Instead of admitting the fear of loving an equal, the man had to put down the woman. Instead of admitting fear of loving an equal and experiencing the pleasure of sexuality, the woman had to alienate herself from the man by making him the enemy. Instead of admitting that he feared an equal relationship, the man had to make the woman an object. Instead of admitting the fear of self-responsibility on all levels, the woman made herself an object and then blamed the man for this mutual creation.

Both sexes denied the fear, which in a deeper sense might be called the primary guilt. The denial of the fear caused secondary guilts. Some of these secondary guilts gave energy to Lower Self-energy. Material greed was fostered; money, power, and social advantage became motives for choosing mates. The Mask Self claimed greed, calculating self-interest, prideful appearance values, and the mutual using of each other as the highest of moral standards.

The same collective state of consciousness also created karmic conditions, prerequisites for specific guidance for subsequent reincarnations. This kind of union (arranged marriage) gave the scope to bring out in each person general and specific negative feelings and attitudes, which, once conscious, became the basis for transformation. In very recent times, consciousness made a great leap.

The women’s liberation movement, the sexual liberation movement, and a very different attitude toward marriage are clearly signs of a newly emerging consciousness. Today’s sexual freedom is a reaction to the shackles of former times. To a degree this phase is necessary until the wisdom of the new consciousness becomes complete, and commitment to one mate is experienced as freer, more liberated, and infinitely more desirable than the uncommitted free-floating exchange of partners.

P5             Whenever one soul current is put secretly into the service of another, both become negative. If love, eros, and sex were given their rightful places, then the real needs for success, respect from the community, and material abundance could function in a higher-self way. At the same time, individual men and women need to understand the enormous importance of the wholeness of love, eros, and sex; of affection and respect; of tenderness and passion; of trust and mutual partnership; of sharing and of helping each other.

You know that it takes a long time, much experience, many lessons, many trials and errors, untold incarnations until your soul emerges as a complete being. The state of wholeness should be placed lightly into your consciousness, if I may use this expression. It should never become a whip.

P6             The freedom to choose independently, to experience sexual and erotic pleasure, to make mistakes and learn from them, to grow into different and more mature relationships without condemning less mature ones, are all necessary to learn the real significance of marriage. As with the sexual revolution, women’s liberation, too, had to go to some kind of extreme. So some women had to become as hard, as unyielding as their greatest enemy, man, in order to experience their capacity to be independent, self-responsible, creative, and resourceful.

The new-age woman combines independence, self-responsibility, full-fledged adulthood with the softness and yieldingness that was previously associated exclusively with the dependent parasite. The new-age man combines his heart feelings, his softness, his gentleness with his strength and abilities, not like the woman, but in a complementary way. The new-age marriage is totally open and transparent. Part of this openness consists of revealing your fear of the strong spiritual current, of the forces released by the unification of sexuality and the heart.

You deeply long for it, because this fulfillment is your birth right and your destiny. This kind of fusion cannot come about easily. It is the result of infinite patience, growth, change, transformation. But it should live in your vision as a possibility you can indeed actualize one day. All these energy bodies (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) exist in reality and can fuse or not according to prevailing conditions. The sexual encounter is a true fusion of the masculine and feminine principles as universal forces.

Each sexual fusion will be a creative act, bringing forth new spiritual forms, new heights of development in the two selves that can be passed on to others. You are moving in this direction merely by being able to comprehend this lecture, by being capable of choosing to use it in the most positive way no matter where you are.

There exists a tremendous tension between the male and female energy currents. If it manifests negatively, sexuality is fraught with denials such as homosexuality, repression, asexuality, impotence, frigidity, or with negative expression as in sadism, masochism, fetishism. To a degree, it may be necessary to give some expression to negatively connected sexuality, for if it is completely denied, the total personality is being thwarted and the tension is so powerfully accumulated that nonsexual violence is acted out.

When the tension manifests positively, it is truly a psychic nuclear point. The explosive force of the male-female tension and its release permeates the total personality and transcends the finite. It truly spiritualizes the body and materializes the spirit, which is the task of evolution.

—The Pathwork® Guide