Lecture 72 – The Fear to Love | Abbreviated Version

P2             The child in you makes you wish to reign supreme over those who are supposed to love you, and who become thereby hardly better than submissive slaves. There are also times and aspects of yourself in which you become a submissive slave. This is not to be taken literally; it refers to certain emotional reactions.

This happens if love, acceptance, and agreement from a particular person become a necessity for you, while you are aware that this need may not be gratified. In your fear of rejection and defeat such submissiveness seems the only way to achieve what you want. Since your concept—and being unconscious it is all the more powerful—is that love means slavish submission, you do not wish to love.

Also, when you discover and experience the existence of the unfair demands of the child in you, you can reason with it. You will realize that this misconception of love has nothing whatever to do with real love. Once you understand that, you will no longer be afraid to love. When you realize that love does not mean giving up dignity, self-government, and freedom, you will not fear it. In the gradual process of growth and maturity, you will not immediately experience the great, encompassing love your soul strives for.

P3             Since you are unable to achieve the final goal, you withdraw altogether. This is due not only to the either/or attitude of the immature part of yourself, but also to a tendency toward dramatization. If the great drama cannot be, then you withdraw altogether.

Perhaps one of the first steps is acquiring the ability to allow other people to feel about you as they wish. Before you can truly love others, you have to learn to like and respect them even though you do not get what you want. As long as the child in you persists in its strong, self-willed current of subtly, emotionally, and unconsciously forcing others to submit, you construct unreal situations by wishful thinking.

P4             In not overestimating them (people and situations), due to your forcing current, you will be able to see, observe, sense, and feel what is true, and not merely believe what you want to be true.

P5             When you think of loving, you can think of only one kind, the highest and most perfect. You ignore the fact that there are many stages and many kinds, many degrees and many variations. In your ignorance, you shy away from the kind of love you could be capable of giving right now, and, when such love is given to you, you dismiss it.

P6             The best way of going about this is not to use such “instructions” as a force, but as the expression of your inner will. While you may realize perfectly well that certain of your emotions cannot function in the right way yet, you may express the desire that they should learn. This desire should be uttered without pressure or haste, rather with a calm quality, in the full realization that emotions do not change quickly. An important part of such instructions should be that you wish to become aware of where, how, and why your emotions still deviate from the truth.

P7             You should keep in mind and accept beforehand that change and growth are a slow process.

P8             Truth is flexible; by its very nature it cannot be fixed. Nothing that is true can be rigid, static, or fixed. It is always flexible. This very flexibility appears as a threat to people. They want the fixed pseudo-safety of a stone wall on which they can lean. It was this tendency which caused religion to be distorted into dogma.

P9             When you realize that there is no such thing as a fixed rule, you are frightened, because you have to determine each time anew what your conduct and your attitude are going to be. With flexible truth, the responsibility is automatically shifted onto yourself. The inflexible or fixed rule or law is for the child who cannot or dare not assume self-responsibility.

The fear of the unknown really comes from insecurity: “Will I be able to cope? Will my judgment be adequate? Will my reactions be right? Will I make a mistake? Dare I make a mistake?” In other words the deepest fear of the unknown is not knowing yourself.

—The Pathwork® Guide