QUESTION: For a long time I’ve had a block against expressing myself creatively in any form, really, but it hurts me most in my writing, which is my natural form of expression. Recently, this has begun to loosen up, but I’m having trouble getting in touch with the part of me that wants to prevent me from writing and from expressing what I really am. And I just wonder if you can tell me something about this?
ANSWER: Yes, yes, I’d be glad to. The best way for you to understand and get in touch with this problem is to observe the same problem in a different way. For this is only one manifestation of the problem of the fear of letting go, of letting something out of you and committing yourself to that, when it comes out, it is there.
In creative writing, it would be the word that flows out. You commit yourself to this word as it goes onto the paper. It is out of you. And you, with that word out, take the risk—the apparent risk maybe, or partially the real risk—of having it judged, of having it criticized.
In other words, any kind of creativity, if it is allowed to flow out, harbors also the ability to accept criticism, to commit yourself to your own fallible state.
Now, on another level, the same problem would appear of letting out totally your love feelings. For better or for worse, it always implies this letting go, this letting it flow and letting it carry you on its own steam. You do not have a blueprint, a guarantee, an insurance policy, an exact draft, in which you see exactly how and what will come of it.
It is the trust in the love force itself, which can only exist if there is no wishful thinking involved, there is no refusal to look at the reality involved. If you can see the truth and accept the truth of your own limitation and the other person’s limitation, and if you can love by letting free—and therefore letting yourself free—then the trust in love will not be wishful thinking, or a childish illusion that must be disappointed.
You want to watch it with your intellect and judge it and be sure it is acceptable to the world and yourself. But creativity cannot manifest that way.
There is a key to allowing the forces to flow out and letting them carry you: giving up the ego control and letting yourself be a part of the flow. It is a commitment of yourself to this flow of yourself in the love feeling, without knowing exactly what it will bring.
The more you do so, the more strength and assurance will come from it. In turn, you will be able to do this to the extent you can accept and meet your own negative feelings, and learn how to handle them in the proper way. This is exactly the problem as it manifests in your creative writing.
There is a fear of letting go of the creative self, the real self, that has its own laws; you want to watch it with your intellect and judge it and be sure it is acceptable to the world and yourself. It is no more possible to allow your creativity to manifest that way, as you can love that way. It is the same problem.
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