As we gradually make progress on our path, powerful spiritual forces are set into motion, generating new energy. From this, we become more alive and more honest in our feelings and ability to relate. We “sacrifice” old reactive patterns and discover that nothing good has been given up. Yet plenty has been gained. It’s hard to remain skeptical about the validity of these teachings in the face of so much positive movement.
As we become more tuned into reality, we catch on to a startling truth. That spirit is more real than anything we can see or feel. And the self-perpetuating nature of the positive spiritual energy we generate carries us further forward. Of course, even after we’ve made momentous strides, we’ll have some more darkness to deal with: undissolved negativities, defenses and resistance.
But as we forge ahead in our work, we’ll see our masks and distortions for the unreality that they are. And this awareness alone will go far in helping us give them up. For we can’t let go of something if we don’t know we have it, or if we aren’t willing to express it.
An uncomfortable truth
At some point in our journey, we are going to run into a wall. It’s made up of our previously concealed but now quite conscious negative intentionality. Facing this is not quite the same as facing our Lower Self. That’s what we’ve been doing by looking at our character defects, our images and our destructive feelings, and overcoming them.
Now, as we move forward in taking on our negative intention, there’s something else that’s important to keep in mind. That in our unhealed psyches, we unconsciously want whatever it is we fear. Further, whatever we experience, we also unconsciously want.
All these teachings are built upon these immutable facts. We need to recall this when we come face-to-face with our basic attitude toward life that says no. No… we have no desire to give or to love. No… we have no desire to contribute or to reach out. And no… we have no desire to receive or to live a fruitful life.
To our conscious, rational mind, this may sound totally crazy. We wish for nothing more and nothing less, we think, than every imaginable fulfillment. And yet, in a hidden corner of the psyche, we’re going the other direction. We want to hate and be spiteful and withhold—even if it makes us suffer.
It’s paramount we learn to recognize this part of our soul that deprives us of joy. And this is true, even if—and especially if—this is only a tiny part of who we are. For even if a significant part of our inner being is in alignment with true reality—those good circles of self-perpetuating energy—the parts that remain negative will hold a magnetic power over us. And they will be made all that much stronger by our not consciously acknowledging them.
Much of the resistance we encounter—in ourselves and our companions—is due precisely to our not wanting to see that a senseless, destructive streak of negative intention is in us. Oddly, in spite of our knowing just how destructive and senseless it is, it still holds us in its grip, making us unwilling to give it up.
When we do finally see this, it is not a tragedy—it’s a huge blessing. For now we can deal with the way we negate life. Which is what we do by angling toward isolation and loneliness, toward lovelessness and hatefulness. We’d rather hold onto our spite than move from our position. We prefer to go on blaming some fate that has befallen “poor innocent me.”
Finding out that we’re the ones rooting ourselves in negative intention then, is an important cog in the wheel of our spiritual evolution.
Negativity vs. negative intention
Negative intention is not quite the same thing as negativity. When we speak of negativity, we’re talking about a wide range of faults and feelings. These include our hate, hostility, anger and envy, as well as our fear, pride and so on, all of which distort reality. But when we speak of negative intentionality, we’re talking about an intention to say no to life and to the self.
With our negativity, we have the impression we can’t help being the way we are—angry, hateful or cruel. With our negative intention, however, a deliberate choice is being made to act in a certain way. So, our negative intention doesn’t happen to us—we choose it.
In our personal work, we need to see the bigger picture that shows us our life is a result of our own choices. Then we’ll discover, on a very deep level, that we are in fact free. If our life is now narrow and confining, it is because we have continued to follow our negative intention. And it will stay this way until we choose to change our course.
Once again, the conscious mind may think all this is ludicrous. But rest assured, negative intention is a real thing. And it will take a concerted effort, along with a lot of patience, to navigate this struggle—to overcome our resistance to dealing with this deep resistance.
It won’t be enough to make some passing recognition and then leave it to sort itself out. In fact, this process of grappling with negative intentionality will feel more like going through a major life crisis. But if we can do it, it will signal a giant transition on our path. Such a profound corner can never be easily turned.
Stages of progress
There are certain fundamental stages we will progress through as we work toward transforming our stubborn negative intention. For we typically start out with no awareness that this is even a thing. Initially, in fact, we’re challenged to believe we could possibly be held accountable for how our lives are turning out.
Sure, we agree, we have a few neurotic behaviors we don’t want to look at. But that doesn’t mean deep down we don’t want things to be different. Right?
Here’s what we can expect to uncover. That after a while, having done some deep work and gained some honest insight into ourselves, we will learn to accept all our feelings. We will grow stronger and more objective, and free up more of our life force. Then seemingly out of the blue, we will discover this negative intention toward every good thing in life.
If we root around a bit, we’ll see there’s a direct correlation between how frustrated we are about not attaining what we so ardently want, and how big our negative intention is. Further, there’s also a direct correlation with how much we don’t want to deal with this. Don’t make too light of this. It’s tremendously difficult to admit this. That we prefer to hang onto our denial and spite and hate, even if the price is that we suffer.
While sometimes it happens that our awareness of a destructive attitude makes it automatically disappear, it isn’t always so. And there are reasons for this. For one thing, we may be afraid to let it go. This happens due to our fear of the unknown, fear of pain, or fear of being humiliated or hurt.
Our negative attitudes are, after all, used as a defense against feeling our feelings. We also use them to void taking self-responsibility. Or to reject life’s imperfect circumstances.
It’s hard to let go of
The origin of all this life-negating behavior starts in childhood. We demand that our “bad parents” turn into “good parents.” And we intend to use our misery and a big dose of guilt to make this happen. With our negative intention, we will punish life for what it’s done to us.
Stranger yet, we hold onto this, even after we’ve become aware of it. Why would we do this? Because for the child inside us, this feels like the only way to preserve our selfhood. If this young, fragmented aspect of ourselves lets go of this vengeance—if we don’t resist—it feels like we are giving up our life. To give this up then, is to give up being an individual.
In our work, we learn about how inappropriate it is to carry into adulthood a position that was once valid, but which no longer serves us. Now, in fact, it is downright destructive. And yet we do this all the time. There must be something even more powerful behind all this, beyond what we’ve uncovered already.
Exactly what is it that stops us from loving and instead makes us hate? That blocks us from giving our best to life, instead of giving up our withholding? That makes us remain spiteful, even if we desire to give it up? Why won’t we reach out and give to life, and then equally receive the best life has to offer?
It’s time to crack open the real nut of our resistance.
What do we identify with?
If we want to open up this bottleneck, we need to answer this question: What part of ourselves are we identifying with? For instance, it’s possible that the only thing we identify with is our ego. This is the conscious part of us that thinks and does. If that’s the case, there’s no chance we’ll be able to bring about a change that lies outside the domain of the limited ego.
Changing deep inner feelings and attitudes then, will simply not be possible. We’d need to be identified with a broader and more effective part of ourselves—our spiritual self—to even believe in the possibility of making such a change.
The ego’s role is to support such profound change. It does this by committing itself to wanting the change. Then it must trust that the involuntary spiritual self is well equipped to bring it about. Next, it must get out of the way.
But if we have no identification with the spiritual self—our Higher Self or true inner essence—there will not be a necessary climate of trust. Nor will there be the necessary positive expectation, without any pressure. And without this, we can’t even want it.
For the high likelihood of failure will reveal just how powerless the ego really is. And that would just be too hard to take. Instead, the limited ego will save face by saying, “I do not want it,” long before it will admit “I cannot make it happen.”
On the surface, we deny our “I won’t” with “I can’t.” In the deeper more subtle layers, this is reversed. It’s not that we can’t, it’s that we won’t. Because the self hasn’t yet figured out a way to identify with the spirit. And the ego is fine with all this, simply because it doesn’t want to admit just how limited it really is.
Identify it vs. identify with it
Identification can be either positive, and therefore constructive, or negative and therefore destructive, or at least obstructive. Interestingly, it’s not completely true that it’s always positive to identify with our Higher Self, and always negative to identify with our Lower Self. Identifying with either one could be healthy and desirable, or not. It all depends.
For example, what happens if we identify with our Higher Self, or spiritual self, but we haven’t yet come to terms with our Lower Self, our Mask Self? If we don’t yet know our defenses and dishonest devices, not to mention our negative intentionality. Then we may well be escaping. Our identification with our Higher Self will be an illusion. Under such circumstances, we won’t be having a genuine or truthful experience.
It will be the same as believing in some nice philosophy, purely on the intellectual level. Like, it’s great to know we are a divine manifestation of God. That we have the power necessary to change ourselves and transform our lives. For this is indeed true. But when this kind of identification conveniently sidesteps the parts of ourselves that require our honest scrutiny, it’s only a half-truth.
Likewise, our identification with our Lower Self can be a good thing, or not a good thing. Perhaps the best way to put it is like this: It’s one thing for us to observe and identify our Lower Self—or our Mask Self, for that matter—but it’s quite another thing to identify with it. When we become identified with our Lower Self, we mistakenly believe that’s all there is to us. But if we’re able to identify it, watch it, admit to it and tackle it, it won’t pull us into believing that this is all of who we are.
Using the ego as observer
Think about it. If this were all of us, we wouldn’t be able to spot it and evaluate it, analyze it and alter it. In truth, the part of us that is doing all this watching is certainly more in charge than the part that is being watched. It has more power and is more real—not so caught in untruthful distortions.
The minute we are able to identify some aspect of ourselves—some good, bad or indifferent behavior, thought or attitude—the identifying part is more us than the part being identified. The observer is more real and more in charge than the observed. This is a powerful distinction we must learn to make.
We must start to identify our Mask Self and our Lower Self, along with our negative intentionality and our dishonest games. Once we do, all the energy we’ve put into the service of denial will be available to bring us the truth. The result: We will now have room for experiencing real feelings. This of course includes the pain we have worked so hard to deny. But when we can truly feel all our feelings—and here’s the really good part—we can identify with our Higher Self.
All told, the Lower Self should be identified, and the Higher Self, or spiritual self, should be identified with. Who makes this identification? The ego, which must become strong enough to give itself up voluntarily so that it integrates with the Higher Self.
People are generally split in their identifications. So it’s not true that someone will either be entirely identified with their Lower Self, or no longer at all. We’re all diverse, in this way.
Certain aspects of the self are already free, and here we may sense a deep spiritual identification. In other areas, unfelt feelings make us feel submerged in Lower Self aspects. Here, we fear this is our only reality. In yet another area, we may have over-identified with our ego. Here, we believe our ego the only valid part of us that functions reliably.
Proper identification is key
Wherever we’re not identified with our Higher Self, we’ll find it impossible to get past our senseless negative will. For if a secret identification with the Lower Self exists—even though admittedly it’s only a partial identification—giving up our cruel and destructive ways will seem like self-annihilation.
This unreal Lower Self will seem so real, based largely on our fear of it being killed off. This means the real Higher Self parts must seem unreal—maybe even phony. This seems even more true when we use a phony veneer, or Mask Self, to cover our Lower Self.
In this scenario, giving up our hateful, spiteful, negative intention would be like giving up our very being. How can we possibly risk it? Even if we’re promised that joy and fulfillment will follow, it’s not worth the sacrifice. And who would even benefit from this supposed joy? It would seem to be someone other than who we know ourselves to be.
What good would that do us if pleasure and abundance and self-respect go to someone else? This is the second most difficult part to overcome.
The first most difficult part is making a commitment to finding out the truth about who we really are. This requires us to observe our thoughts and feelings, owning up to them on every level. From there, we must push on to figuring out how to untangle ourselves from our identification with our Lower Self.
Our refusal to let go of our Lower Self is rooted in our misplaced will to live. We’re caught up in the illusion that there is nothing more beyond our most negative aspects. For when our destructiveness rears up, we feel energized—and real. We fear giving up this evil and settling for numbness and deadness. But in reality, if we would stop denying this distorted energy, we could reconvert it to its original vibrant condition.
In the end, our resistance to giving up the parts of ourselves we hate the most is caused by our wrong identification. Yes, we’re obstinate and spiteful. But that’s not the crux of the problem. These things only harden our position, further entrenching our fear of annihilation. In doing so, they strengthen the self-perpetuating circles of negativity. Our world gets smaller, and the worst in us seems to be our reality.
We need to wake up and see all this.
Becoming one step removed
We’ve been living our lives inside a confined space that’s become a powerful prison of suffering. How can we work our way out? First, we need to question if this is all of who we are. “Is it true that if I give up my negative intention, my reality will cease?” Just asking this question will open a door. And even before answers come—and come they must, following spiritual law—we can realize something important. That the part of us asking the question is already beyond who we feared we were.
At this stage, we’ve already started building a bridge that we will use to walk out of this construct. From there, we listen for a voice that answers in a new way. It comes from beyond the Lower Self we thought we had to protect. Now keep asking questions, with good will and in good faith.
The Lower Self derives its identity from being negative. We must start to identify it and observe it. This makes us the observer, not the one who is being observed. And this takes us one step away from our old habitual experience.
Let’s say we’ve grown accustomed to being haughty and cold. Giving up our contemptuous attitude would feel like we are dying. But what would we be dying into? Our true self, where our real feelings and our real being are. If we are willing to feel our feelings, whatever they may be, we will know who we are. If we’re not willing, we’ll remain hard and stiff and limited. The choice is ours.
Try something different
Don’t hope for an overnight conversion. Bliss will not be our first experience. Some of our unfelt real feelings might be quite painful. But the pain of feeling them will be far better than what we’re experiencing now. And the flow of our bottled up feelings will carry us to a better state, just like the river of life itself.
The release valve on the dam of our feelings is our commitment to being in truth. What do we really think and feel, right now? The first answers might not yet come from our Higher Self. We might not get magical revelations or mystical visions. In fact, the first answers might come from our logical ego mind.
But if we learn to use what we already have at our disposal in a new way, we can open to new possibilities. We could try using positive intentionality and see what we think. What do we have to lose? Maybe it could be interesting, even desirable. We can play with new thoughts and weigh new options. We can pour some creative alternatives into our thinking apparatus.
There’s no obligation to buy—just try something different. Open up the windows on a very narrowly defined mindset. We can always exert our right to go back to exactly where we were. Honestly, we can make that choice. So the risk of assessing a new thought-direction is low.
Why not check out what happens if we set a positive intention into motion. We can give ourselves some freedom and build a bigger bridge to greater expansion of the self. Remember, we can go back if we don’t like it.
We can start by becoming calm and then listening inside. At some point, we’ll begin to perceive an ever-present voice of truth. This is the voice of God. With time, this voice will grow louder and we’ll hear it more often.
We’ll come to realize that everything already exists. That there is nothing that we are not. Seriously. This may sound far off, but it’s not as far away as we might imagine. It’s actually as close as our next heartbeat.
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