Have you ever sized up a person or situation a certain way, then later learned more pieces. Suddenly you saw things in a whole new light? In an instant, the case you built—based on limited information—collapsed, and you softened your stance. When this happens, we are experiencing the gap that exists in the human psyche between certainty and knowing.
Being right
The psyche has many different layers and each has its own way of seeing things. In the outermost layer lies our certainty, which is all about being right. Our need to be right, though, often goes beyond being correct to the point of being righteous. Not righteous, as in being good and doing the right thing. Rather, being right in a way that slides into self-righteousness.
This is essentially a moralizing attitude—based largely on false goodness—that makes people hate us and rebel against us. Genuine goodness, on the other hand, which comes from real growth, doesn’t have this kind of effect on others.
Our certainty, when served with a dose of self-righteousness, has a hard edge to it. It’s rigid and one-sided, and it positions us against others. This “me versus you” stance is typical for the outer regions of our psyche.
For we realize, in this part of ourselves, that we live in a land of opposites. And we intend to live on the right side of things, not the wrong side. We intend to win.
Being difficult
To be right, in this part of ourselves, includes wanting to always be right and to always have our way. Right now. This makes us big fans of instant gratification. For we are certain that getting our way, without delay, will lead us straight to freedom and happiness. That’s why we’re willing to cheat and cut corners to get it.
This me-first approach—in a sea of others who also want me-first—makes living difficult. Because it makes us difficult. It motivates us to try to control and manipulate everyone around us, which we will do in both covert and overt ways.
For example, we will use either submission or aggression to bend life to our will. If these don’t work, we will take our bat and ball and go home, withdrawing into ourselves. Our goal is to make certain that, one way or the other, we will get what we want.
In short, we will win.
When we are banking on certainty, then, we equate being right with winning. And winning equals better than. Yes, in this outer layer of our psyche, we really do believe we are better than others.
Pride goes before the fall
This I-know-better stance of rightness is behind our tendency to judge others. We have everything all figured out, and from our lofty perch we proclaim how it really is. This might make us loud and brash, caustic and/or cynical. It certainly makes us feel superior.
What we really have here is pride. And pride is one of the three primary faults that all humans must face and correct. It’s tragic how strongly we cling to our pride without realizing it’s a serious shortcoming. For it’s based on the faulty premise that being right leads to happiness.
This notion stems from two things. First, we live in a world of duality, which is a land of opposites. Like right or wrong. Second, the ego can only hold one side of any duality at a time.
From the perspective of the ego, then, right is good, wrong is bad. Right is happy, wrong is not happy. And yet, life doesn’t seem to actually work that way.
If we look around, we see many people today certain they are right, that their side is right. The more entrenched this becomes, the more fighting and division and hatred there is. So fighting harder to be right is not leading anyone to peace.
Fortunately, the ego’s reality is not the only reality there is. There is a greater reality that can hold a vastly different perspective, a bigger perspective, a better outcome.
It’s the place of knowing.
Truth and paradox
The ego mind may, of course, know many things that are true. But as the Guide points out, facts do not tell the whole story.
“There is a substantial difference between a fact and truth. A fact is a segment of truth. You may be in possession of a fact, but you ignore additional factors. Therefore you do not have a true outlook on a situation.
“Let us assume you witness one person insulting another. This is a fact. But judging this fact alone may be misleading because you ignore what led to this insult. Only the knowledge of all relevant factors can show the truth of the situation.”
To see truth is a very difficult task. As long as you are aware of this difficulty, you will not be tempted to believe you are in truth, when you are merely in possession of facts.”
–Pathwork Guide Q&A on Truth
If we understand this, we will be motivated to increase our own truthfulness. But if we believe we are in truth when we are not, we will only increase our untruthfulness.
The Guide goes on to teach that the way to widen and deepen our perception of truth is to face ourselves, in truth. And this may not be easy or pleasant to do. But the more we get to know ourselves, including the parts of us currently in the dark, the more truth will automatically grow in us.
Eventually, by doing our own personal self-development work, we will develop the ability to hold the full spectrum of any truth. This means we be able to sit comfortably with opposites, or paradox.
Here is an example of a paradox: We must each do our own personal self-development work ourselves; meaning, no one can do our work for us. At the same time, we can’t see what’s hiding in our unconscious without help. So none of us can do our work alone.
Knowing peace
The part of the psyche equipped to hold paradox is at the center of our being. Here, in our core, we are able to relax and know that all is well. For when we understand the whole truth about any situation, we naturally relax. We feel at peace.
When we live from our divine center, or Higher Self, we are connecting with the divinity that’s present in everyone. In this place, we discover that winning, especially at the expense of others, does not make us nearly as happy as truly connecting with others does.
In other words, we shift our identification from “me or you” to “me and you.”
To know this deeper part of ourselves is to know true freedom. From here, we will have the patience to let go of what we want, for now, trusting that what is right for us will come to us. At the same time, we’ll see that we may have some inner work to do first.
Through such a growth process, we will learn to trust that we can feel fulfilled. Not because some entity outside us gives it to us, but by trusting in our ability to resolve whatever is within us, limiting and blocking us.
The pivot
What lies between certainty and knowing are the fractured layers of the psyche that the Pathwork Guide calls the Lower Self. Here, our sense of cohesion has been shattered by painful experiences, causing our psyches to fracture. These fractures, in turn, cause painful experiences to erupt in our lives.
And each of these broken places in us creates a feeling of separation. It’s also the source of our negativity. So while the Higher Self is all about harmony and connection, the Lower Self is all about separation. This means that by healing our inner fractures, we start to feel more whole and more connected…with life, with other people and with ourselves.
These layers of Lower Self—which are the splintered, wounded and twisted parts of us—surround and cover over our Higher Self. The thing holding all this together? Our ego. The ego, then, is a godsend. For we must use our ego to lead the way in navigating a path of self-transformation.
At the same time, the ego is both limited and separate. Oh hello, paradox.
What the ego needs to do, if we want to move from certainty to knowing, is pivot. Because one of the finest features of the ego is our ability to contact it directly. For example, we can’t just tell our Lower Self to change.
But we can ask our ego to start paying attention to what our Lower Self is doing. And then, using the will of our ego, start making difference choices.
What needs to change
In the last essay, Where do we get stuck?, we talked about the three stages we must all go through as we develop. In the first stage, it’s all about us being nurtured and sustained. As children, we are on the receiving end of life, and not yet ready to give much.
As we become adults, this needs to shift. Now, our egos are more fully developed, so now we can start to see how we are—in some way we don’t yet understand—responsible for what happens to us in life.
In this shift to self-responsibility, we go from blaming others for our difficulties, to seeing our own inner wrong thinking. That’s right. If we are struggling with disharmony in life, there is something inside us, in our Lower Self, that is not right.
And this is what we really have to figure out. But in doing so, our own certainty will act against us.
Beyond pride
Remember how we said that pride is at the certain of our certainty? Then what is at the heart of our knowing? Humility. For being humble means knowing we don’t have all the answers. What’s more, some of the answers we now have must not be right.
It’s humbling just to realize this.
We can know where we stand, relative to peace, by our measure of inner peace. For peace is a hallmark of the Higher Self. Because in our core, all the divine qualities exist in their origin condition and are in harmony. Undistorted divine qualities—like love, courage and wisdom—all get along, side by side, without any friction.
Said another way, when we experience friction and disharmony in life, this indicates that something which was originally divine has gotten twisted or distorted inside us. And untruth is always connected to this twisting, which in turn, creates inner obstacles. This means something now hiding in our psyche is not in truth. Something is not right.
This is what lies between certainty and knowing; this is what stops us from being happy. Because these inner obstacles force us to keep living from our ego. We can’t let go of our ego and get to our Higher Self until we do the work necessary to transform them and clear them up.
We’re not alone
If there is any good news in all this, it is this: we are not alone. Ironically, we are not alone in feeling separate. We are also not alone in needing to swallow our pride and face ourselves as we are right now.
We must empty ourselves of our certainty so we can open to our deep inner knowing. We must let go of the need to be right and start to consider what we are missing.
We can start by simply knowing that whenever we are experiencing conflict, friction, disharmony—whatever makes it hard to sleep at night—then somehow, some way, somewhere in us, we are not in truth.
We can be certain of this.
– Jill Loree
A closing message from paradox: Which is better? The knowing, from personal experience, that nothing beats being in truth, living in peace, and feeling true connection.
A closing message from Scott, Jill’s husband: If you appreciate the teachings from Jesus Christ, consider that when he was dying on the cross, Jesus did not have certainty.
Jill Loree
Have you ever sized up a person or situation a certain way, then later learned more pieces. Suddenly you saw things in a whole new light? In an instant, the case you built—based on limited information—collapsed, and you softened your stance. When this happens, we are experiencing the gap that exists in the human psyche between certainty and knowing.
Being right
The psyche has many different layers and each has its own way of seeing things. In the outermost layer lies our certainty, which is all about being right. Our need to be right, though, often goes beyond being correct to the point of being righteous. Not righteous, as in being good and doing the right thing. Rather, being right in a way that slides into self-righteousness.
This is essentially a moralizing attitude—based largely on false goodness—that makes people hate us and rebel against us. Genuine goodness, on the other hand, which comes from real growth, doesn’t have this kind of effect on others.
Our certainty, when served with a dose of self-righteousness, has a hard edge to it. It’s rigid and one-sided, and it positions us against others. This “me versus you” stance is typical for the outer regions of our psyche.
For we realize, in this part of ourselves, that we live in a land of opposites. And we intend to live on the right side of things, not the wrong side. We intend to win.
Being difficult
To be right, in this part of ourselves, includes wanting to always be right and to always have our way. Right now. This makes us big fans of instant gratification. For we are certain that getting our way, without delay, will lead us straight to freedom and happiness. That’s why we’re willing to cheat and cut corners to get it.
This me-first approach—in a sea of others who also want me-first—makes living difficult. Because it makes us difficult. It motivates us to try to control and manipulate everyone around us, which we will do in both covert and overt ways.
For example, we will use either submission or aggression to bend life to our will. If these don’t work, we will take our bat and ball and go home, withdrawing into ourselves. Our goal is to make certain that, one way or the other, we will get what we want.
In short, we will win.
When we are banking on certainty, then, we equate being right with winning. And winning equals better than. Yes, in this outer layer of our psyche, we really do believe we are better than others.
Pride goes before the fall
This I-know-better stance of rightness is behind our tendency to judge others. We have everything all figured out, and from our lofty perch we proclaim how it really is. This might make us loud and brash, caustic and/or cynical. It certainly makes us feel superior.
What we really have here is pride. And pride is one of the three primary faults that all humans must face and correct. It’s tragic how strongly we cling to our pride without realizing it’s a serious shortcoming. For it’s based on the faulty premise that being right leads to happiness.
This notion stems from two things. First, we live in a world of duality, which is a land of opposites. Like right or wrong. Second, the ego can only hold one side of any duality at a time.
From the perspective of the ego, then, right is good, wrong is bad. Right is happy, wrong is not happy. And yet, life doesn’t seem to actually work that way.
If we look around, we see many people today certain they are right, that their side is right. The more entrenched this becomes, the more fighting and division and hatred there is. So fighting harder to be right is not leading anyone to peace.
Fortunately, the ego’s reality is not the only reality there is. There is a greater reality that can hold a vastly different perspective, a bigger perspective, a better outcome.
It’s the place of knowing.
Truth and paradox
The ego mind may, of course, know many things that are true. But as the Guide points out, facts do not tell the whole story.
If we understand this, we will be motivated to increase our own truthfulness. But if we believe we are in truth when we are not, we will only increase our untruthfulness.
The Guide goes on to teach that the way to widen and deepen our perception of truth is to face ourselves, in truth. And this may not be easy or pleasant to do. But the more we get to know ourselves, including the parts of us currently in the dark, the more truth will automatically grow in us.
Eventually, by doing our own personal self-development work, we will develop the ability to hold the full spectrum of any truth. This means we be able to sit comfortably with opposites, or paradox.
Here is an example of a paradox: We must each do our own personal self-development work ourselves; meaning, no one can do our work for us. At the same time, we can’t see what’s hiding in our unconscious without help. So none of us can do our work alone.
Knowing peace
The part of the psyche equipped to hold paradox is at the center of our being. Here, in our core, we are able to relax and know that all is well. For when we understand the whole truth about any situation, we naturally relax. We feel at peace.
When we live from our divine center, or Higher Self, we are connecting with the divinity that’s present in everyone. In this place, we discover that winning, especially at the expense of others, does not make us nearly as happy as truly connecting with others does.
In other words, we shift our identification from “me or you” to “me and you.”
To know this deeper part of ourselves is to know true freedom. From here, we will have the patience to let go of what we want, for now, trusting that what is right for us will come to us. At the same time, we’ll see that we may have some inner work to do first.
Through such a growth process, we will learn to trust that we can feel fulfilled. Not because some entity outside us gives it to us, but by trusting in our ability to resolve whatever is within us, limiting and blocking us.
The pivot
What lies between certainty and knowing are the fractured layers of the psyche that the Pathwork Guide calls the Lower Self. Here, our sense of cohesion has been shattered by painful experiences, causing our psyches to fracture. These fractures, in turn, cause painful experiences to erupt in our lives.
And each of these broken places in us creates a feeling of separation. It’s also the source of our negativity. So while the Higher Self is all about harmony and connection, the Lower Self is all about separation. This means that by healing our inner fractures, we start to feel more whole and more connected…with life, with other people and with ourselves.
These layers of Lower Self—which are the splintered, wounded and twisted parts of us—surround and cover over our Higher Self. The thing holding all this together? Our ego. The ego, then, is a godsend. For we must use our ego to lead the way in navigating a path of self-transformation.
At the same time, the ego is both limited and separate. Oh hello, paradox.
What the ego needs to do, if we want to move from certainty to knowing, is pivot. Because one of the finest features of the ego is our ability to contact it directly. For example, we can’t just tell our Lower Self to change.
But we can ask our ego to start paying attention to what our Lower Self is doing. And then, using the will of our ego, start making difference choices.
What needs to change
In the last essay, Where do we get stuck?, we talked about the three stages we must all go through as we develop. In the first stage, it’s all about us being nurtured and sustained. As children, we are on the receiving end of life, and not yet ready to give much.
As we become adults, this needs to shift. Now, our egos are more fully developed, so now we can start to see how we are—in some way we don’t yet understand—responsible for what happens to us in life.
In this shift to self-responsibility, we go from blaming others for our difficulties, to seeing our own inner wrong thinking. That’s right. If we are struggling with disharmony in life, there is something inside us, in our Lower Self, that is not right.
And this is what we really have to figure out. But in doing so, our own certainty will act against us.
Beyond pride
Remember how we said that pride is at the certain of our certainty? Then what is at the heart of our knowing? Humility. For being humble means knowing we don’t have all the answers. What’s more, some of the answers we now have must not be right.
It’s humbling just to realize this.
We can know where we stand, relative to peace, by our measure of inner peace. For peace is a hallmark of the Higher Self. Because in our core, all the divine qualities exist in their origin condition and are in harmony. Undistorted divine qualities—like love, courage and wisdom—all get along, side by side, without any friction.
Said another way, when we experience friction and disharmony in life, this indicates that something which was originally divine has gotten twisted or distorted inside us. And untruth is always connected to this twisting, which in turn, creates inner obstacles. This means something now hiding in our psyche is not in truth. Something is not right.
This is what lies between certainty and knowing; this is what stops us from being happy. Because these inner obstacles force us to keep living from our ego. We can’t let go of our ego and get to our Higher Self until we do the work necessary to transform them and clear them up.
We’re not alone
If there is any good news in all this, it is this: we are not alone. Ironically, we are not alone in feeling separate. We are also not alone in needing to swallow our pride and face ourselves as we are right now.
We must empty ourselves of our certainty so we can open to our deep inner knowing. We must let go of the need to be right and start to consider what we are missing.
We can start by simply knowing that whenever we are experiencing conflict, friction, disharmony—whatever makes it hard to sleep at night—then somehow, some way, somewhere in us, we are not in truth.
We can be certain of this.
– Jill Loree
A closing message from paradox: Which is better? The knowing, from personal experience, that nothing beats being in truth, living in peace, and feeling true connection.
A closing message from Scott, Jill’s husband: If you appreciate the teachings from Jesus Christ, consider that when he was dying on the cross, Jesus did not have certainty.
All essays
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Why shyness is pride
We all build cases. Now what?
Do we have to obey spiritual laws?
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