Privacy & Secrecy: A Boost or Bust for Finding Closeness

Privacy & Secrecy: A Boost or Bust for Finding Closeness

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We all have needs: real, legitimate, have-a-right-to-have-them needs. One of these needs is for closeness. Another need, it turns out, is to have privacy. It’s not hard to imagine that these two can be tricky to weave together…Privacy, then, is not a nice-to-have, but a need-to-have. We need to have some time to be by and with ourselves. We need some me-time…Being oblivious to this reality, we may find ourselves alone and then immediately set about cluttering up our inner landscape with noise…

So where does secrecy come in?…Take apart any secret and we’ll find the wish to hide something that we think will be unpalatable to someone…We may rationalize our secrets by saying, “If I reveal myself, I won’t be understood,” or “People will criticize me unfairly”…In truth, when we’re standing in truth—or attempting to get to the bottom of it—we’ll make an effort to help others understand…

What’s happening when we keep secrets is that we fear we’re not in truth. Better yet, we often know we’re not but we have no intention of changing. So then we’re really being dishonest…And hey, we also sort of like the way it keeps things lopsided. We don’t have to work at finding equitable, honest solutions that allow others to participate in the party. That’s how secrets become such killjoys for relationships. And that’s why secretive people are never emotionally fulfilled…

Listen and learn more.