6 The painful predicament of both desiring and fearing closeness
Blinded by Fear
6 The painful predicament of both desiring and fearing closeness
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We all sit on a pile of inner riches and won’t offer them to life. Often, we’re not completely sure what our assets are.
Our biggest struggle in life is the push and pull we face between our desire to overcome our loneliness and isolation, and our simultaneous fear of having close, intimate contact with another person. Often these are equally strong, tearing us apart from the inside and creating a tremendous strain.
The pain of feeling isolated always pushes us to try to escape from it by becoming more close with someone. Should such attempts appear to be getting somewhere, our fear of closeness will erupt and cause us to pull back again, and push the other away. And so the cycle goes with people, first erecting uncrossable barriers between ourselves and others, and then knocking them back down.
If we’re walking on a spiritual path of self-realization, sooner or later we’ll see the predicament we’re in. For every disharmony, disturbance and shred of suffering we uncover has the same simple common denominator: our struggle between desiring and fearing closeness. And it’s our insistence to holding onto both of these feelings that creates the barriers that keep us in separation.
Our relationships with other people will only go well when we are motivated by our innermost selves. For our intellect and will alone can’t navigate the delicate balance of allowing our own self-expression while also receiving the self-expression of others. There isn’t any rule we can make to manage the rhythm of mutual exchange. And our outer brains are out of their league here.
The ego-mind is also not equipped to negotiate the fine balance needed between asserting ourselves and allowing another to assert themselves, between giving and receiving, between being active and being passive. And there are no pat formulas we can lean on. This doesn’t mean our outer intellect has no value. It’s an instrument that thinks mechanically, makes decisions, and determines rules and laws. But by itself, it doesn’t have the intuitive sense or flexibility needed to meet each moment as it comes. It doesn’t have the capacity to respond adequately. For that, we need to tap into the core of our being and activate our inner command center that’s dynamically responsive. Then and only then can our relationship with someone else be spontaneous and satisfying for both of us.
Jill Loree grew up in northern Wisconsin with parents who embraced their Norwegian, Swedish and German heritage. Foods like lutefisk, lefse and krumkaka were prepared every Christmas. And of course there was plenty of beer, bratwurst and cheese all year round.
She would go on to throw pizzas and bartend while attending college at the University of Wisconsin, and then moved into a career in technical sales and marketing. She would settle in Atlanta in 1989 and discover that the sweet spot of her career would be in marketing communications. A true Gemini, she has a degree in chemistry and a flair for writing.
One of Jill’s greatest passions in life has been her spiritual path. Raised in the Lutheran faith, she became a more deeply spiritual person in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) starting in 1989. In 1997, she was introduced to the wisdom of the Pathwork Guide, which she describes as “having walked through the doorway of a fourth step and found the whole library.”
In 2007, she completed four years of training to become a Pathwork Helper, and stepped fully into her Helpership in 2011. In addition to offering individual and group sessions, she has been a teacher in the Transformation Program offered by Mid-Atlantic Pathwork. She also led marketing activities for Sevenoaks Retreat Center in Madison, Virginia and served on their Board of Trustees.
In 2012, Jill completed four years of kabbalah training and became certified for hands-on healing using the energies embodied in the tree of life. She began dedicating her life to writing and teaching about personal self-development in 2014.
Today, Jill is the proud mom of two adult children, Charlie and Jackson, and is delighted to be married to Scott Wisler. She’s had more than one last name along the way and now happily uses her middle name as her last. It’s pronounced loh-REE. In 2022, Scott joined her full time in their mission to spread the teachings of the Pathwork Guide far and wide.
