In this land of duality, we often hold arbitrary either/or concepts. We may not even be aware of some of them. One of the most common—and limiting—is our attitude about winning and losing.
In this way of seeing things, being a winner means being ruthless. We must be selfish and trampling—triumphing over others and belittling them. This leaves no room for being kind, considerate or sympathetic.
Should such emotions surface, we fear turning into a loser.
Being a loser means being unselfish. We are then self-sacrificing, kind, good and considerate people.
Some adopt one alternative, others adopt the other. But everyone fears the consequences of being the opposite of what they are.
Neither of these two choices is good.
Neither is better or worse.
Both are built on the same misconceptions. And both lead to nothing but loneliness, resentment, self-pity, self-contempt and frustration.
Opposite approaches, same poor result
Often, two people come together in a relationship from these opposite sides. The relationship will then be fraught with friction.
And this leads both people toward hopelessness.
The winner will fear impulses of genuine affection as much as they fear weakness and any inner desire for dependency.
For the loser, goodness equates with total approval from others. This means they can’t stand any form of criticism—justified or not.
Both sides resent in the other what they fear and fight in themselves. Which is their hidden tendency to be like the opposite choice.
Most of us harbor something like this, deep inside, to some extent.
For some, it’s like the water they swim in.
For others, it shows up here or there.
The vague underlying sentiment is: “If I can’t have what I want, I lose,” or “In order to not lose, I must be tough and not care about anyone but me.”
Everyone’s afraid of losing.
But this approach may require giving up all hope for human warmth, appreciation and love. That’s a mighty high price to pay, even if it worked as a strategy for winning.
Even then, such a “winner” can never let their guard down. They can’t relax and let go.
Through their sacrifice—by crippling their very being—such a person thinks they have a chance to win. When this fails to bring victory, doubt sets in.
Then negativity compounds.
Inner strength plummets.
One ends up more inadequate than ever.
Listen and learn more.
Finding Gold, Chapter 8: Winner vs Loser: Interplay Between the Self and Creative Forces
