Making Space for Not Knowing

The result of doing our work is we open up new space inside ourselves. We empty ourselves of frozen detritus and free ourselves from self-restricting walls. When we do this, it’s important to fill that newly minted space with something good. Otherwise the cunning Lower Self will slip inside that gap and set up shop.

First up will be re-educating our inner child. This part of ourselves took off with wild conclusions about life. We must now surface these misunderstandings and see that they don’t really hold much water. That wrong thinking must be replaced with something right, which is the truth that sails in when we invite our Higher Self to join our party.

Accompanying our new understanding will be an infusion of divine energy that fills the void created by our healing work. This is the peace that surpasses all understanding; this is a glow that fills our cup from an unending spring of vitality. We would be nuts to not take a moment and drink our fill. Our work here is to imprint our soul substance with our new awareness and this experience of our true ground.

One of the hardest things for our ego mind to do is nothing. We’d rather jump to conclusions, keep working the angle, and otherwise keep ourselves safe with our amazing ability to figure everything out. Trouble is, our ego doesn’t have all the answers. Never has, never will. It’s just not that deep.

The greatest service our ego can offer is to stop making up stories. Instead, we need to start accessing that great mother lode of wisdom, courage and love: our Higher Self. Plugged into that outlet, the ego can let go and give up its anxious efforts to run the show. This means, though, the ego will need to exercise some restraint and learn to hang out in “I don’t know”. Doing so may momentarily cause us to panic.

The ego would rather cling vicariously to wrong conclusions than let go of its trapeze and wait in limbo for greater wisdom to unfold. It’s happier grasping at straws than admitting that “Sorry guys, I really don’t know where to go next”.

This ability to remain in not knowing is another spiritual muscle we must work to develop. And this one, like so many others, may not come easy. With time though, we’ll get the hang of how to go through life with an open, flowing energy system that makes room for new awareness and allows God to lead the way.

So the unitive plane takes a little getting used to. Until now, we’ve mostly known black-and-white thinking. Then rigid rules take the place of flexible creativity, and change has been generally considered an anathema. But that’s the hardened framework of duality and not the fluid, dynamic structure we find when we’re plugged into the Oneness.

When we’re living in the land of unity, the effort of being organized will become self-rewarding and self-perpetuating. We’ll continually avail ourselves of opportunities to know ourselves better by taking every disharmony to heart and exploring what is there for us to learn. Frankly, this is not what most folks usually do.

Over time, this better, alternate reality will grow to occupy more and more space inside us. And each time we walk through the doorway of duality and remember another way of being could be possible, we will get closer to entering all the way into God’s kingdom. We’ll recall our connection with all that is.

The road is long and this path is not an easy one to follow. But one way or another, doing the work of healing is the only way to arrive at our final destination: we’re going home. Be blessed. Go this way.

In Jill’s Experience

I studied the teachings of Kabbalah for four years, and one of my favorite meditations we did in class was called The End of the Road. It goes something like this: “The ego is never going to get the awakened state, so you might as well just let go. Stop trying to save yourself. This is the end of the road. There is nothing to do. Just let go.”

That’s not what we usually do though, is it. In my case, part of my strategy for survival was to try to figure everything out. It’s like some part of me is always trying to get the puzzle pieces to fit. In fact, I now understand I have a really good puzzle-maker inside of me, and when pieces don’t fit together right, she gets anxious.

I’ve learned to listen to her. She’s like an early warning system that throws flags when something doesn’t add up. And she’s extremely perceptive. Trouble is, she isn’t always right. More accurately, she doesn’t always have all the information. Turns out, I don’t know everything.

That’s part of what it means to be human. Our window on the truth is never going to be foolproof. From where we sit, our ego can’t and won’t ever know everything, and we must come to terms with this. Otherwise the ego won’t let go. From the stance of my ego, I will constantly think I can run the world, when truth be told, I’ve got my hands full keeping my own little ship afloat.

What I try to do is listen to her, and when things don’t jibe, I try to get curious. Instead of drawing conclusions and making judgments, I try, as the Guide suggests, to give the other the benefit of the doubt. With a willingness to be open and often a little fear in my gut, I can check things out: “Here is what I see and here are the conclusions I’ve made; can you help me see what I might be missing?” It never fails to amaze me the shift that occurs when I open up to more truth.

In Scott’s Experience

Sitting in not knowing is like the sound of one hand clapping. It’s weird. And it’s been tough to know if I’m doing it right. Sometimes it feels perfectly natural, like floating on my back in a pond on a warm summer evening. Sometimes it feels like that time I ran over a rope while mowing the grass; I get it all wrapped around the axle and stall the engine.

I’ve been blessed with a measure of intuitive knowing, and early on, I made myself crazy when it didn’t come immediately. Over time I have come to realize that for me, intuitive knowing comes when it comes. If I need to know something, it will come. If it doesn’t come, I don’t need to know. Or maybe I need to learn to ask better questions. Or quite possibly I need to get better at letting go.

I still struggle sometimes in discerning when and how to use my active creative powers, and when to sit more firmly in the stillness of receptivity and listen.

Back when I was leading a large engineering team at a boutique turbomachinery design company, we had brilliant and tough bosses, and I was navigating through a challenging leadership learning process. Then we were purchased by an inept and rather unethical company, and a difficult environment turned miserable. I had been miraculously guided into this role, and now what?

I loathed the drive into work and my time in the office but saw no obvious path to the next step. I wasn’t feeling any guidance, and that’s a difficult place to be. In exasperation, I ended up starting a consulting business. I really enjoyed the work but eventually the venture folded. In hindsight, during the whole creative process to start the consulting business, I was hearing my own static. I surely got wound around my own axle.

Fast forward a few years, and I found myself repeating almost exactly the same conditions. I had a few years thriving in an executive engineering role, then my company was acquired by a much larger and less adept competitor, and we had a clash of two powerful but very different cultures. Again, it became miserable driving into work. But I realized I had jumped too early last time and missed a lesson. This time I stayed, kept listening inside, and feeling the frustration.

I kept praying to find the lessons in my frustration, and eventually some clear answers came. Frustration is a thwarting of the will current, according to the Guide, and I became aware of my forcing current that said, “I will make you love me.” It wasn’t easy to see because it was hidden under part of my mask, but there were traces of it across my life and relationships.

When I did the inner work to release this forcing current, I found myself in a more authentic, relaxed relationship with the unknown. It’s still the unknown, but I am better at letting go in the face of it.