21 Three Stages of Development | The movement toward giving

The only way for societies to survive is to realize this third stage: giving.

As each of us matures, our first major growth phase comes when we give up dependency and move into self-responsibility. When we do this, we become independent, accountable and able to stand up for ourselves.

Of course we don’t do this all at once, in one giant leap. No, we’re typically ambivalent about taking this step, with part of us raring to go and part of us dragging our feet.

The gung-ho part is ready for the freedom that comes with self-responsibility and independence. In fact, we’ll resent our parents if they attempt to hang on and not cut us loose.

But there’s another part that resists this change, fearing the next organic step because we confuse it with being abandoned and unloved. We dread the next step, thinking it means we’ll be utterly alone and therefore lonely.

In confusion, we experience an inner tug of war between these two contradictory pulls. This confusion and inner war goes on during every growth phase in life. Each time it must be sorted out so that the inner blocks can be cleared and a oneness of direction becomes possible.

We can gauge our progress by examining how well we have assumed responsibility for our lives. Financially, have we become productive and self-sustaining, gladly providing for ourselves? Emotionally, do we still blame some authority figure for our problems and any unhappiness?

Along the way toward achieving authentic independence, the pendulum is apt to swing a tad too far one way or the other, from time to time. This is natural, possibly even necessary, as long as we don’t get stuck out there on the fringes.

Maybe we’ll be overly selfish for a time, as we overcome feelings of being overly enmeshed with someone else. Or perhaps we’ll sport an exaggerated show of independence for a while as we test out our new state of selfhood. But after a bit, our Higher Self will steer us back toward the center.

In a similar way, when it’s time, our Higher Self will nudge us to move to the next phase. “Wake up,” it says. “Time to try a new way of being in the world.” If we heed this inner message, there will be harmony in our forward movement. If we get stubborn, though, and dig in our heels, conflict and chaos will abound.

Here, the misunderstanding is that to leave our self-assertive state is to go backwards. We fear we will be forced back into a dependent state, but that’s not what’s actually happening.

In the third stage, we are opening up—with trust—to a way of being that includes self-responsibility, self-nurturing and self-assertion, plus something more. Nothing valid is taken away, but rather something new must be added.

Moving into stage three

At this point, we have moved from being totally dependent, nurtured and sustained, to being self-nurturing and self-sustaining. This process has asked us to sever the bondage of being dependent on someone else. Now the movement is to go from being self-nurturing to nurturing others.

As individuals, we can see how this manifests in parenthood. But for those of us who are far enough along on our spiritual paths, we’re also equipped to take on a more global task.

For those of us who are ready, our freedom from selfishness will manifest in creating new models for world government and new methods for handling society. Collectively, we are spiritually ready to develop new ways for all people to share spiritual as well as material riches.

What happens when we are ready to be emancipated from dependency on someone else and we resist this movement? Distortion and sickness come about.

The same thing happens when we are organically ready to move to the third stage, where we are to foster new ways for societies to live together. When we resist, our attitudes turn into ugly distortions and what we manifest is nothing short of absurd.

To be clear, and to put it as simply and concisely as possible, the three stages humankind must travel through are: 1) Being nurtured and sustained, 2) Self-nurturing and self-sustaining, and 3) Giving nurturing and sustenance.

We can’t apply the same measuring stick for everyone. Some of us are ready to move from the first stage to the second. For others, it’s time to move on to the third stage. In any case, it’s when we resist the natural process that we face conflict.

The way to reconcile opposites

The development of the many individuals in a group determines the group’s overall level of development. What’s right for any given group at one particular time will become obsolete—and even destructive—at a later period.

In fact, the rhythms and cycles of our development alternate over time between a focus on the growth of individuals and the focus on the group.

The focus in the last century was on individuals. People were largely looking out for themselves, even while we may have been filled with a desire to serve and help and give.

Over the last few decades, a new state has emerged that is shifting the focus to the whole. Our awareness then must shift to include a larger scheme.

If we resist this movement, believing our lives only belong to us, we forget that what we are receiving is for sharing. Instead, we view everything that exists around us as a tool for serving ourselves.

Moving into this last stage means something very specific. It means coming to realize that giving is a way to enrich ourselves. This enrichment transcends, by far, the self-enrichment we experienced through the second stage of self-nurturing. But this stage brings up a fear for many of us that our giving will make us poor.

We must die into this fear, because it is an illusion. This is the only way to find out that the illusory death caused by giving ourselves will actually open new doorways to personal enrichment.

By giving out and becoming part of a larger organism, we experience new enrichment that could not have come to us while we remained in the second state. Only someone who has found self-autonomy—who has learned to be self-nurturing and self-sustaining—can become a key part of a bigger body.

Moving into the third stage, then, is the movement that reconciles the opposites of individuals versus groups, of self-nurturing versus service and giving. It is also the way forward for finding the oneness in the seemingly opposite political systems of socialism and capitalism.

A new model of society, then, must be created that brings together fully functional individuals into a collective group entity. Note, there isn’t any false equality, or a leveling off, in this new model.

Those who work harder and better will certainly not be put on the same level as those who have resisted the growth process. But we will all be asked to meet our fears and misunderstandings directly, rather than rationalizing them away.

When we do this, we will encounter some truly new math in which sharing will result in fruits that will create way more riches—worldly material ones included—than we currently receive.

At the same time, our individuality will be boosted and our autonomy more deeply anchored. If we don’t skip steps, we will become more secure and more authentic as we embrace becoming part of something bigger.

If we are truly doing our own work and want to proceed in our personal development, this is the way we must go. It’s the way that all humanity must proceed. The only way for societies to survive—with people getting along and sharing all of God’s gifts—is to realize this third stage.

This isn’t some new idea that’s just being sprung on us. Rather, this is the logical next step for all of us. It’s the potential waiting to unfold as our next organic step in the evolution of our consciousness.

What’s at stake, then, goes way beyond simply instituting a new system. The opportunity before us is meaningful. Now is the moment for movement.