Part Four: Being the Helper

15 How We Relate

Transference is not new

We can learn about transference, as well as countertransference, from many sources today. As a Helper, we will know of this phenomenon from our own work with our Helper and in our lives.

In transference, we overlay the reaction we had to our parents onto other people, without realizing we are doing this. We don’t see the person standing in front of us for who they are.

When a Worker is in transference with us, they are not present in true reality. If a Worker starts out in positive transference with us, they think we are wonderful and can do no wrong.

At some point, this will switch to negative transference. Then we are completely awful and can do no right. Neither is in truth. The idea is not to become inflated by positive transference or wounded by negative transference.

We want to hold steady as the Worker tosses about in this illusory storm.

Transference is not a new topic, of course, for people working in therapeutic professions. Nor is the idea that our present-day struggles have roots in childhood. What may be new is that our work—including our images and old pain—did not originate in this lifetime.

As the Worker discovers the links between cause and effect, and sees how their outer world mirrors the inner, this understanding will become more evident.

With transference, the Worker may not be seeing us clearly, but neither are we automatically seeing the Worker clearly. In countertransference, we are triggered into an emotional reaction by the Worker. If the reaction is stronger than what we can manage through the support of supervision, we may need to refer the Worker to someone else.

But no Helper is free from all their inner entanglements. Watch for indications of a problem and take steps to resolve the issue. Continue to be a good Worker.

Connecting in spiritual communities

Transference can also affect how we interact with Workers in our spiritual community. For it doesn’t only arise during a session.

Even after the Worker becomes aware of their transference with us, it takes time to unwind the effect of it. As a result, everything we do may be noticed with added sensitivity by our Workers.

For instance, we should consider the amount of time we spend talking with a Worker at a community event. At the same time, we should be mindful to not ignore a Worker.

The point isn’t to walk on eggshells. Just be aware that we can’t take off our Helper hat outside of sessions. Our stance should remain warm while we maintain the asymmetry of our relationship with a Worker.

We can always be friendly, but we can’t be our Workers’ friends.

How to handle self-disclosure

To become a Helper, we have done considerable personal work. As a result, we have cleared away our secrets and revealed our faults to ourselves and others. It may seem that we are now an open book.

From this perspective, we may be tempted to be overly revealing and transparent with our Workers. In fact, the Guide advises caution here. Self-disclosure should serve the Worker and the work, rather than serve the Helper’s need to be known, understood, liked or relieved.

If we are too open, as leaders, we make ourselves more vulnerable.

This does not mean we should close our hearts and keep ourselves separate. But there is a certain distance necessary for us to preserve our energies and function in our task. We want to be alert and realistic about the negative intentionality of our Workers—their desire to be destructive, to bring us down.

To address this, we must maintain the right balance between privacy and intimacy, between sharing and distance. For our openness could be misinterpreted as weakness.

To show our Lower Self to our Worker may give them something to judge us about and make us seem untrustworthy. This can be used to justify withholding or hiding from us. Excessive disclosure may invite the Worker to relate to us as an ordinary friend, peer or fellow sufferer, rather than as the person holding the container.

If we feel called to share something personal with a Worker, we listen to our intuition and use discretion.

What is Helper Consciousness?

What makes someone a Helper?

Not credentials.

Not technique.

Not intelligence.

Not having all the answers.

Rather, it is the degree to which the person has done their own work and can allow something greater than their ego to work through them. It means embodying the task of giving to others what we have received. It involves allowing the wisdom of the Guide and our own guidance to flow into us and through us.

As a Helper, we can forget every lesson we ever learned. We can forget every lecture we ever read. And we can forget all the work that we have done. This knowledge must now come through us in a more holistic way.

When this happens, we step into Helper Consciousness. When we open to it, it meets us and leads us. Then everything we need to know, say and do will be given to us.

From our ego’s point of view, this sounds daunting. The ego only knows what it has done and thought and seen before. While it might know a lot, it doesn’t know how to be a good Helper.

The good news is that we don’t need to work so hard at this. If we’ve done our own work, we already embody the teachings. We have met our Lower Self and we have a connection with our Higher Self.

Our toolbox is very full, if we’ve done our own work.

What happens next?

When we don’t know what to do or say in a session, we open our arms wider and listen, waiting and trusting that we will be shown. In the meantime, we can always just breathe. And pray.

The worst place to be as a Helper is in the confident place of knowing where the work is going. To think we’ve seen it or done it before, and so we know. We always want to bring fresh eyes and new ears to every experience the Worker is having.

That said, we do need to know the general beats of this process. We must be able to recognize important clues and see signposts that tell us what the Worker may be experiencing. We must invest in our training and slowly work to develop our skills.

That’s the paradox of this work. We prepare ourselves thoroughly, then surrender our need to control the process.

At times during our development as Helpers, we may feel we are being calibrated. For example, multiple sessions may all point to using the same approach. It is humbling for the ego to learn to follow the guidance, even when it feels repetitive.

Or perhaps a new creative way of working spontaneously arises, such as working with honor cords. Where do these inspirations come from? Helper Consciousness.

Note, too, that when we choose not to follow the guidance we receive in a session, it may not keep flowing. This follows spiritual laws.

The Importance of grounding

Being grounded is about connecting our energetic bodies with the earth. We can’t be present to our lives, or to our session, when we are not grounded. The ego needs to come out of identification with its limited mental activity and become aligned with the greater self.

It brings us into the present moment and therefore more into true reality.

As Helpers, it helps to give this our attention, both for ourselves and the Worker. We can bring it forward during the attunement, inviting the Worker to come down into their body—feel themselves held by the chair. We can guide the Worker to visualize rooting their feet into the earth.

If a Worker feels scattered or in their head, we may do some Core Energetics grounding exercises to start our session. This helps the Worker access deeper feelings that are stored in their energetic system—which is found in the body.

The Pathwork Guide suggested those present do a few minutes of breathing and relaxation exercises before Eva spoke. This would help them receive his words on a deeper, emotional level, not just an intellectual level.

The spiritual path the Pathwork Guide teaches us is very practical—very grounded in reality. We are always encouraged to apply these teachings to our lives.

When we ground them in ourselves, the wisdom they hold becomes our own knowing. Our healing work grounds the truth within us.

Working with groups

There are so many resources available to learn more about the complex, but highly beneficial nature of working with groups. The Guide also spoke about the important value it adds.

First, the Guide suggested that Workers participate in both individual sessions and groups. In this book, we’ve been speaking about one-on-one sessions with a Helper. This is a good starting point for a Worker.

During sessions, the Worker learns to drop into their feelings and become more grounded in these teachings. This is important preparation for joining a group.

In a group, a person’s reaction to their family of origin is going to be activated. They also get feedback about how their behavior affects others.

But not every reaction can be explored, in depth, within the group setting. So the Worker can then take their work to their personal sessions. This is the general cadence for doing healing work.

First, we have an emotional reaction, either in an intentional healing group or in a workplace, social or family setting. We start to pay attention to our emotional reactions, and make notes about them in our Daily Review.

We learn that we can feel our feelings and not act them out. We take all this to our individual sessions and work to unravel it.

This changes our relationship to the experience and to ourselves. Now we can turn our attention toward healing our relationship with other people, and do so with more maturity.

A higher bar

The Spirit World is very active, behind the scenes, in the formation of groups of any kind. Typically, there will be one person whose development lags behind that of other group members. This creates friction, which surfaces people’s inner work.

So becoming a Helper who leads groups calls for a more advanced skillset than giving individual sessions. Many dynamics unfold in a group that a Helper must pay attention to and work with. Co-leading a group with another person can add yet another layer of difficulty.

Even as a solitary leader, there is a built-in co-leader we must learn to dance with: the group itself. By working to create cohesion among group members, the individuals in the group learn to care for each other.

The group itself then works to heal the individual members of the group.

In this way, a group can become the family people long for but never had. But creating such a healthy and rewarding container requires diligent effort.

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