There is only one key to happiness and abundance. It is this: we must change over from an old attitude of “me, me, me”— where we take, want, demand and won’t give—to a new attitude of loving, giving, devotion and sincerity.

This is easier said than done.

In fact, it is pointless to even hand someone this key if they aren’t even aware of their non-giving ways.

Yet this is the door we must step through.

How appearance values disconnect us

There are two value systems that govern us: being values and appearance values.

Let’s look at the ramifications of each.

Most of us are operating on the level of appearance value—most of the time. We must invest seriously in our personal work before we start functioning for the sake of what is—not for the sake of how things look to others.

If we’ve been paying attention, we may rightly suppose that this is not an either/or situation.

There are degrees.

In some areas of our lives, true values prevail. In others, we are all about appearances. As always, the transition from one state to the other is gradual.

Appearance values aim at creating an impression. In their most crass form, these values are about craving approval and selling out our truth to impress someone else.

We want to be on that pedestal.

We may be bold in going about this. Or we may be subtle and covert—there’s always a subtext in the background.

What will they think of me?

Just the thought of others’ negative reactions makes us anxious. This is as insidious as it is poisonous.

And it’s a big deal.

It disconnects us from our own insides—from our Higher Self and from the truth of the situation. Then how can we sincerely want to engage with others?

By tuning into ourselves, from this viewpoint, we start to see this isn’t so subtle after all.

And it’s having an effect in our lives.

Because regardless how good our efforts and goals may be, there is always an insincerity—we do everything for effect. We either do this directly or by way of the power and money we hope will prove our value.

How being values enrich life

Operating from being values, on the other hand, means we do what we do for the sake of truth—for the sake of being.

We do the best we can and let the rest go.

Others’ opinions are not the point. So the activity fulfills its innate purpose—it just is.

Or maybe we offer what we do up to God. We offer love, beauty, goodwill, comfort or something else that’s constructive and good to another person.

We do this whether anyone notices the effort or the effect.

It doesn’t matter if it is a charitable act, a work of art, a science project or a chore like laundry. What does matter is that we do it in the spirit of being—not for the sake of appearances.

Spiritual sincerity means acting for the sheer sake of what the act itself represents. We don’t try to use our work and accomplishments as a substitute for our self-value.

We are giving and our giving enriches life.

What we give others, we give ourselves.

It’s when we’re not giving to others that we deprive ourselves. Because this makes us incapable of receiving what the world wants to give us.

It’s an abundant universe.

We’re the ones who close the door by not giving.

Where we place our self-worth

Operating on the level of being changes things drastically. There are byproducts that cascade from the integrity of our deeper motives.

It looks like this. When we feel attacked by judgment or criticism—if we’re operating from appearance values—we’ll be devastated.

How could we not be?

If we’ve attached our self-worth to what others think of us, we feel annihilated whenever they see us in a bad light—even if it’s over something small.

We lose our inner ground, our inner center—because we aren’t centered in ourselves.

We lose sight of this when we live in appearance values—until someone criticizes us, that is. We only seem centered as long as we’re being praised and admired.

This feels gratifying, in that moment.

But even in such moments of seeming success, there is an anxiety eating away at us. We worry about how to shore up our uncentered state in which we get our self-value from outside ourselves.

The problem is this: we have no control over our sense of self-value.

Living from a center of being values, conversely, brings deep inner security. That doesn’t mean criticism, judgment or unfair treatment don’t hurt us.

But they won’t rattle our foundation. We’ll still experience the truth of our core.

When operating from appearance values, our foundation shakes—even crumbles—if anyone disapproves of us.

True security brings clarity

The value system we adopt has a big effect on our ability to perceive the truth in others. If we are in a sincere, giving state, we will invest ourselves fully.

But when our heart isn’t in it, we can’t answer questions such as:

Who is right here, them or me?

To what extent am I right?

To what extent are others?

In what areas am I right, or wrong? How about everyone else?

We may deny that these questions are plaguing us. But if we’re operating from appearance values, they are there.

Our denials will further confuse us.

They cloud both the issues and the questions, just when we needed to figure out where we stand. So we’ll flounder and grope.

In this painful struggle, we try to cover up an inner lack of security. This is what keeps gnawing at us, making us doubt everything we do and everything we think.

We’ll try artificial remedies to patch the holes in our security. But they won’t be built on sound and deep self-esteem.

Real security can only come from sincerely committing and giving. We’re going to have to fumble for this too. Yet this will feel totally different.

Honest searching is beautiful, and doesn’t need to be covered up.

It makes our struggle growth producing. We applaud this when we identify it in others.

Knowing what we truly want

Something else arises from these two value systems: our ability to know what we want.

If we’re not connected with our innate inner selves—if we funnel all our energy outside ourselves—how can we possibly know what we want?

Everything is colored by what others think.

Further, we can’t risk knowing what we want. Because what if that conflicts with what someone else wants for us?

Then we need to talk ourselves into wanting their version, or whatever we think will earn us the highest praise from them.

With appearance values, we invest in not living our best life or living up to our potential.

Instead, we invest in living someone else’s ideas for us.

This means there are many systems of appearance values.

But there is only one being value.

That said, from our Higher Self, we have an infinite variety of ways to express ourselves. Also, our being value can never interfere with the Higher Self being value of another. If there’s a conflict, someone’s values are not surfacing from within.

The quality of appearance values is stiffness, rigidity, dullness and conformity. They may seem individualistic, but they lack the breath of life.

When we try to nourish ourselves from borrowed values—even if we do succeed—we end up feeling empty.

Succeeding this way requires tremendous effort because we’re living contrary to who we really are. We say things like, “I’ve invested so much, worked so hard, used so much effort trying to do all the right things—trying to please you. But I feel empty. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

When we function from being values, we don’t worry how others will react. This gives us the luxury of relaxing inside and being authentic. Such courage can lead to the richness of knowing what we truly want.

This is a rare treasure.

When our will aligns with truth

Our goal is to sincerely invest the best of ourselves in all we do. We want to act with integrity and give for the sake of giving—which is the same thing as giving for the sake of God.

Sooner or later, this miracle is going to happen.

Our heart’s desire will be God’s will. We’ll no longer flounder in uncertainty.

But we will not be able to trust, immediately, that our desire is good and right. Even when our values are true, our desires may not yet be trustworthy.

We’ve been disconnected from our true selves for a long time—probably many lifetimes. By now, we don’t trust ourselves, even when we could.

As our inner connection stabilizes, we’re not yet sure if we’re expressing the wants of a greedy child, or the will of God.

When we act from appearance values, God’s will may seem to conflict with our desires. This is probably true—since no one enjoys doing what they don’t want to do.

Any false desire that’s not aligned with God’s will not give us real pleasure.

Yet sometimes these desires do seem pleasurable—especially if they’re naughty or rebellious. Or maybe they match God’s will, but we wouldn’t know this.

Because we’ve lost the thread of connection with our core—with truth.

Our power of the word

Another aspect to consider involves the creation of our lives. It has to do with the power of the word. It says in the Bible, “In the beginning was the word.” This has deep meaning that will be helpful to understand.

The word is the first creative impulse. It expresses intent and gives it form. Creative action can then follow through.

The word is what carries the blueprint or plan.

Whether we say it aloud or silently, there is great power in the word. When spoken affirmatively and decisively, the word is a chisel. It’s a tool that shapes and gives form to our soul substance.

This is what we are made of, and at the same time, we dwell in it. It both surrounds and penetrates us.

So all our thoughts and intentions have the power to create. It is with our one-pointedness—our conflict-free attitude—that we utter a word.

In doing this, lies our creative power.

When we function from appearance value, we will have conflict within. Because we are not connected with our own inner source. This dilutes the strength of our thoughts—our words—which require strength, power and clarity to create.

It’s like flickering lights—wiring that keeps short-circuiting.

Our desires cancel each other out.

True power comes from wholeness. Then the power of the word is immense.

No matter what we desire to create, the word acts as creative agent for making form and shape. If we are not yet clear—especially as we move towards being values—we can ask for help. Then we must wait patiently for an answer.

When we operate from appearance values, we think little of ourselves. So we automatically underestimate ourselves.

From here, we can’t see how powerful we are.

We don’t realize that our emanations—our words—can hurt or harm. Or they can heal and help.

For in reality, all is one.

If we know our own value, then, we will respect others.

But if we underestimate ourselves, we insult ourselves. Therefore, we will also harm and insult others.

Here’s where we become very confused. We think that to be humble and good is to devalue ourselves. Self-value then equals pride and arrogance.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

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Read Original Pathwork^® Lecture: #232 Being Values versus Appearance Values – Self-Identification