2 Right and wrong faith

Many of us sincerely want to grow spiritually. But our faith is not complete. Somewhere inside, a small doubt whispers:

“Is this really true? Am I not just making this up?”

What do we do with that?

What to do with doubt

Our work is not to push our doubt aside. Such avoidance is often done with the very best of intentions. We just don’t want to have these doubts.

By ignoring them, we hope they will simply go away.

In fact, trying to push things into our unconscious—to make them go away—is the genesis of much of the pain in our lives.

But we’re worried.

We fear that if these doubts persist, they will steer us off our path—that we will fail in our spiritual efforts.

The root of our trouble here is all-or-nothing thinking. We are not aware that the doubting part is just that—a part. That there is a greater whole, full of contradictory currents.

So fear not, there is another part that does believe. It might be the size of a mustard seed, but that part does have faith.

The way out is by owning all our parts. The sooner we can let the negative parts have a seat at the table, the better it will be for us. This keeps those immature parts from hiding in the corner. Because whether we acknowledge them or not, they are in the room.

It takes courage to acknowledge the parts we would rather not see.

There is no perfect faith

Through God’s grace, we can begin to understand that we are made up of conflicting inner currents. We need to have some humility about our own lack of complete faith.

We can say to ourselves: “The willing part of me wants to develop and mature. This will allow me to handle life better and help others more. I am not the judge of what I deserve. With my incomplete faith, I will wait patiently and humbly until the grace of God is given.”

Experiencing God’s grace for ourselves is the doorway that leads to complete faith. This cannot be given to us from anyone else. And we can’t transmit this to others who are still battling to find their own faith.

We each must do this part of the work on our own.

But be careful here. There’s a second aspect about faith that we need to understand: complete faith is a misnomer. Every impurity in a person’s soul affects the fullness of faith. Perfect faith, then, means perfect people.

And there is no such thing.

Feeling special

Some people do have more faith than others. This can lead to a feeling that one is something special to God—a favorite child. Such thinking is potentially harmful.

Because there is pride in it.

It is very easy to deceive ourselves.

It may seem this is an expression of one’s devotion and spirituality. And yes, there are good and pure motives here. This includes the desire to come near to God and to love God.

But there are also impure notions mingled in. This is spiritual pride, which is a feeling that we rate higher than others in the eyes of God.

This feeling of being special is an in-between state of spiritual development. It’s just one’s longing and love for God waking up faster than pride and self-will are falling away.

There are two opposite trends in one temporary state.

It’s real but it’s not right or good. It’s also a normal part of the process of maturing and coming to know ourselves.

So if a feeling of being special applies to us, even if only in some small degree, we have some work to do. Because people who feel specially loved by God are often particularly intolerant of others.

It may not show up outwardly, but it’s there in an inner attitude.

Here’s something to try, perhaps in meditation. We can choose someone we don’t respect. Better yet, someone we like least of all.

Someone who really irritates us.

Now consider how deeply God also loves this person. Just as much, in fact, as God loves us. Even if they are spiritually less developed—even if by a lot—they are still loved by God.

This is powerful medicine for a prideful soul.

How to become better

We humans are complicated. And the work of overcoming our faults is not trivial. It takes time and a great deal of effort. Even though our ultimate goal is perfection, our immediate goal is knowing and accepting ourselves as we are.

This leaves no room for illusions about who we truly are. We need to gain healthy attitudes about our shortcomings and learn to live by life’s rules. No shortcuts and no skirting around difficulties.

We’re here to learn and our problems are our teachers.

This is the way to rewire our faulty inner currents. In doing so, we begin to react differently. We need to clarify our motives and clean them up, teasing out the bad from the good. At the same time, we want to let them all be here.

This is not easy to do.

We’re good people and we want to become better, to do better. We can’t afford to give up because our faith is lacking. During the times when we’re not feeling sure that God exists, we may just need to keep going for the love of others.

Know too that there will be tests along the way. That’s simply the way it is with life. Ironically, it’s when tests come—and come they must—that our view of things gets the most distorted.

We become paralyzed, convinced that our negative way of seeing things is the only truth.

Then we despair.

What paralyzes us are the dark forces we have drawn to ourselves. They keep us from thinking clearly and seeing what we would otherwise understand quite readily.

It doesn’t even occur to us to ask for help—to pray to know the truth. We become too encased in our thoughts even for that. Later, we come out of the darkness and are aghast that we could have been so blind.

We can save ourselves some trouble by learning to turn to God: “Dear God, help me to see clearly, even though I am confused and unsettled in the moment. Help me to see the truth in this situation. To remember what I already know but have forgotten, and cannot see right now from my limited outlook.”

Our best weapon for fighting such temporary blindness is to train our thoughts to delve into our own unconscious. This is the place where we put everything we want to forget.

This type of training prepares us to better navigate future tests with self-acceptance and self-respect.