In addition to the four keys to experiencing the cosmic feeling, we can also deliberately open our inner connection by establishing a healthy balance of inner and outer control. We can consciously use the ego in ways that bring us a deeper awareness of our inner world.
The process of opening to our divine core is very gradual. It isn’t that we practice the four keys over the course of a lifetime and then suddenly experience the cosmic feeling. The opening is slow and far gentler than that. What we glimpse in the cosmic feeling begins to show up first in a much subtler way.
When we pass a certain point on our purification work, one day we find a new voice speaking to us inside. It may come quietly—like a thought that feels far steadier than other thoughts. Or it brings a sense of knowing that doesn’t argue: the ifs and buts in the mind no longer exist.
This voice has a wisdom, presence and solidity that is beyond our everyday ego mind. It feels so distinct compared to our usual sense of self that it can feel as if we have a separate being living inside. The wise direction this voice provides brings a deep sense of satisfaction with life.
This perception of having two beings inside—our regular self and a wiser being—is an illusion. Rather, it represents the first small step toward a conscious reunion with our divine core nucleus. We can—and should—work with this new part of us in a conscious way.
The practice of establishing balanced inner and outer control opens the door of awareness to our divine inner core. To understand how, let’s first pull back the veil on this illusion of separation.
The experience of having two beings inside us is the beginning of resolving the paradox.
The illusion of separation
Throughout history, in every corner of the world, cultures have talked about “the Fall of the Angels.” We tend to think about the Fall as something that happened in a specific place and time—long ago in some faraway place.
In this event, individual beings were moved from one geographic place to another, usually in a downward direction. This conceptualization, while understandable given our three-dimensional world experience, contains deep misunderstandings.
What is meant by the story is that a change happened in a being’s state of mind, or consciousness. We were in one state of consciousness when we were in union with God. And then we were in a different state of consciousness, one not in union with God.
Many spiritual teachings, including those of the Pathwork Guide, describe this change in state of mind using words like “split-off” and “fragmented.” This helps, but also hinders, understanding.
The first book of the Real.Clear. series, Holy Moly: The Story of Duality, Darkness and a Daring Rescue, takes a deeper look at The Fall and Christ’s role in our return home. Before the Fall, our being was whole. Our complete being was half masculine, embodying the active principle, and half feminine, embodying the receptive principle. When the Fall happened, it is described as the state of first being fractured in half—part masculine, part feminine.
Then the fracturing continued from there, into smaller and smaller fragments. We eventually reversed course and started a return toward wholeness. This is the evolutionary journey we are on now as human beings, to integrate our fragmented nature back into union with God.
The paradox is that, on one hand, it is true that we are separated, or divided. On the other hand, it is not true—everything is all one consciousness, one whole. So, it’s true in one way but not true in another way, and the experience of having two beings inside us is the beginning of resolving the paradox.
The inner wall
We are separated from our divine core by an inner wall. The divine center is wise, loving and powerful. But, from the perspective of our outer ego-self, we may not even know it exists. And without an intimate knowing and experience of our divine core, we don’t attempt to contact it.
Relying only on our limited ego, we spin in confusing cycles of ignorance. The less we are aware of our inner divine core, the more we experience self-alienation.
As we gain self-awareness through our purification work, parts of our inner wall begin to dissolve. Other parts of the wall remain, though, awaiting further inner work in those areas of our life. With our wall thinning in places, now and then we experience a new voice, much wiser and distinct from our outer ego-self.
Our divine inner core contains the potential for infinite possibilities for constructive life, including joy, pleasure, creativity and endless expansion. It appears to be completely different from our day-to-day self, giving it the appearance of another distinct being living inside.
This “new” voice of our divine core is the divine consciousness. It is infused throughout the entire universe, penetrating all that is.
This same divine consciousness that fills our divine center also fills the inner center of every human being. All of humanity is filled with the same unity, which is completely free from conflict and limitation. Indeed, every life process is filled with this same creative power.
We experience matter and consciousness as separate, but this experience of separation is illusion. And this illusion is the real meaning of “The Fall.” Because we were never truly separated, we are always able to work our way back through the illusion into immediate contact with our divine center.
The blissful state of being that comes from this integration with the divine self is the aim of this path. Every living being seeks this state, perhaps on an unconscious level.
Our divine core
Our divine nucleus has a power so far beyond our comprehension that we cannot even imagine it. We slowly try it out and, with amazement, put it to use. When we see it at work, even the small, initial expressions bring a sense of wonder. As we expand our perception, awareness and vision, the breadth of our divine core’s expression expands with us.
This begins to direct that power into our life experience. And as we do, we will find it to be inconceivably vast. To have—and be—this power is beyond our ability to grasp. In the moments we glimpse it, something shifts effortlessly—clarity and peace appear without force.
Most of us don’t realize that we have—indeed, are—this power. We have everything we could possibly need to live a vibrant, inspired life. From here, we live creatively, giving and receiving all the fulfillment we could possibly imagine. We simply aren’t aware of this, and we don’t believe it.
There is a direct relationship between unawareness of our divine core and unawareness of the negativity and destructiveness we set in motion in our lives. This includes our unconscious erroneous beliefs, destructive emotions and immature behavior.
It’s like a mathematical equation: the awareness we have of one side equals the awareness we have of the other. The Pathwork focuses on bringing all our unconscious negativity into awareness because, to the degree it is seen and transformed, awareness of our divine core must follow.
There are parallels between the interior wall separating our ego-self from our divine core, and the interior walls separating our ego from our own unconscious negativity. The destructive aspects of us, buried behind a wall in our unconscious, can also appear as a separate being living inside when we first notice them.
This often happens as we begin working in the direction of bringing our unconscious negativity into awareness. We suddenly see a new destructive being inside, acting in ways that our ego-self has no control over. The newness and lack of control bring a sense of helplessness and terror.
The journey to awareness
It’s like this: before we start a path such as this, we blame random fate, bad luck or a cruel god for our miseries in life. This creates a fear of life—the fear of living unprotected in a precarious world.
Next, we begin to see our own negativity and destructive aspects in a new way, often for the first time. We weren’t aware of them before, but now we are. No matter how hard we try, we can’t directly control these aspects of us, which brings a sense of despair. Then we begin to fear our own unconscious.
As the work continues, two distinctly different beings appear to be at work inside. There is our usual personality, with its well-known thoughts, beliefs, desires and actions. And there is a new being coming into awareness that acts through us but has completely opposite desires and beliefs.
If we continue further in the work, the wall of separation to our negativity gradually dissolves. We slowly recognize this “other being” as part of us, and slowly accept responsibility for it. We become intimately connected with it, then one with it. Our identification expands. It is no longer another voice, distinct from our ego-self.
This part of us led us into endlessly difficult situations. With the separating wall in place, the ego personality had no direct control over it. But with the wall dissolved, the adult ego can now directly choose the path forward.
The initial struggle between the ego-self and the seemingly separate destructive being feels hopeless. It can feel like there is something inside us that just won’t listen.
But here is the key: the inner struggle stops when the ego recognizes that this negative being is a part of itself. The illusion of separation dissolves, and transformation can begin.
Understanding separation
The exact same scenario is at work with our divine core. Just as we had no awareness of our destructive elements, we have no awareness of our inner divine self. This is because our minds have a fixed perception based on our experiences. We need to question this, and open to new potentials. Then awareness of what is deep in our unconscious can begin to surface.
It works the same way for the most destructive aspects of us as it does for the most constructive aspects in us. When either of these parts show up, it first seems as if they have nothing do with us. Our work is to accept, own, and integrate them into the self. As we slowly dissolve the separating walls, the destructiveness in us also slowly dissolves. Likewise, the divine in us becomes alive and guides the ego-self. The ego slowly becomes one with the divine.
The awareness of the walls of separation then takes a central role in our work. When we are experiencing a difficult situation or bad mood, we can take a moment to become aware of it. If we are experiencing it, somewhere inside we must have created it. Because we wouldn’t be experiencing it otherwise.
There is a separating wall between the destructive part of us creating the experience and the part of us living through it. That’s why it feels like life is happening to us instead of happening through us.
The wall is illusion. It is unawareness. But ignorance of the illusion still has its effects. When we cannot make the connection—when we aren’t aware—we heap fear and despair on the already unpleasant situation.
And we go far out of our way to avoid seeing the deeper connections at work. It seems much easier to blame a cruel god, an unfair world, or random fate. The last thing we want to see is our own hand at work behind the scenes.
But the good news is that this is a self-directed process. When we decide to see how all the dots connect, we will see them. This brings a tremendous sense of freedom. Even though it takes time to transform the destructiveness, the sense of despair evaporates.
The despair comes from ignorance of our own hand in creating the difficult situations and foul moods we experience. And ignorance of our own inner powers to correct them. Our lives aren’t governed by forces we can’t understand or control. When we experience this, a sense of hope washes over us.
Working with the inner walls
The process of working with separation, then, looks like this: we first make room for the possibility that every difficult experience we have is an effect of an action we started. “There is some way that I created this. I intend and wish to see how I set this in motion. I ask my divine core to help me see the cause inside me.”
Then we relax and allow the deep inner self to work. With patience and persistence, this knowledge must become ours. In the moment of understanding our own cause and effect, we feel calmness and peace.
But we tend to forget that we hold the key in our hands. So this process must be repeated, over and over, until it becomes a natural response when difficult experiences arise.
We will also need to remind ourselves often about the similarities to working our unconscious destructive and constructive aspects. The more awareness we have of both aspects and work this way, the faster the walls will dissolve. Our identity expands and integration proceeds. The destructiveness transforms and constructive forces guide our lives.
Our aim is to bring awareness of both forces in us. The only way to build this awareness is by making a choice to trace the threads of cause and effect in our lives. By accepting the destructive in us as our own creation, it then becomes possible to own the inconceivable power of our divine core.
Before we take full self-responsibility for our negativity, the illusory walls of separation remain in place. And so our negativity rules us. But the process of acceptance and taking self-responsibility for our negativity leads to healthy self-governance. We are then capable of being lived through by the eternal life force.
It is the same with fear. Before we are fully aware of our destructiveness, we must fear both our negativity and the unlimited constructive power in the core of our being. But intimate awareness of our inner negativity releases our fear of it. We have more direct control of our life and can choose a constructive path. With this, the fear of our constructive powers will dissolve.
The relationship between the fears is also like a math equation. If we fear the worst in ourselves, hidden in the dark crevices of our psyche, to the same degree we must also fear our inner Godself. The way out is to bring our destructiveness into the light of day and confront it with honesty.
Dissolving the walls of separation
The process of dissolving the walls of separation happens gradually. So the merging with our divine core also happens slowly. It is also unique in different areas of our lives.
We may already have areas of our life in intimate connection with the life force, which shows up clearly in our experience of the freedom and flow of life. Simultaneously, in other areas we experience life to be tight, constricted and difficult. It feels impossible to change. In these areas, there is a hidden, destructive cause-and-effect process at work.
The ego-self, when it is separated from the divine core by the illusory wall, lives in a desolate state. In separation, we just can’t accomplish much. So we try harder—and nothing changes.
Seen this way, we begin to notice different areas of our life. Where are we free flowing and effortless? Where are we shut off from the inner power that can help us change and grow? When we learn how the spiritual laws work here, our life begins to feel less random—and more in our own hands.
Our ego mind and will are powerful tools to deconstruct the wall of separation with our divine core. In fact, even before we have dissolved the wall—when we understand how much power we have, when used in the right direction—we won’t feel so separate from our inner self.
The ego can begin to reach out to the inner being, with its power, beauty and infinite possibilities. In fact, the ego ultimately serves one purpose: to contact the divine core.
It must be intentional in allowing space for the inner self to guide it. Then the divine core can spontaneously come forth. Gradually, the ego self will become one with the inner self.
The role of the ego
We need to become clear about the role our ego personality plays in life. So often our outer self acts from a state of separateness. Without awareness of the inner divine connection, it tries to achieve things in life that only the divine core can accomplish. And this can’t possibly work. Then, in despair, the ego intensifies its efforts.
Maybe it’s by competing to win or trying to control others. Or maybe we try to protect ourselves and stay safe. But the lack of constructive results leads inevitably to confusion and anxiety.
At some point, exhausted, we collapse. We recognize that our efforts are futile, and we give up. But this is exactly the point where we must continue—just in a different way. In fact, the exact opposite approach is needed.
In the areas where the ego has been over-active, trying to push and control life, we need to let go of control. Often this is plain to see. But this tense desire for control can also be carefully hidden. When we want to see it though, we will see it clearly.
In the areas where we have given up in futility, we instead must use a strong, steady guiding hand in our life. From here, we actively form thoughts and make choices that engage our divine center, such as a clearly formed intention to see our behind-the-scenes destructiveness. This will always bring constructive results.
The way out is an ongoing, steady and constructive use of our will toward finding our own negativity. But even when we understand this, it is all too easy to forget in the moment. Because in the areas of our psyche where we have the most unconscious negativity, we also usually fall right into the path of least resistance.
So we need to keep reminding ourselves of this essential approach to life. Constructive results come when we consciously break the cycle.
Healthy balance of control
In healthy balance, control of our life is shared between the outer personality and the inner divine center. The ego exerts healthy control by paying attention to life and noticing areas of disharmony. Using the knowledge that this must indicate hidden areas of inner negativity, it forms an intention to see cause and effect at work.
Then the ego, knowing that it has only indirect control of—and very limited power over—unconscious negativity, directs the Higher Self to become active to bring the destructiveness into awareness. The ego then releases control and steps aside.
The Higher Self becomes active, using its power and wisdom to bring situations and awareness to the personality which are most helpful in bringing the inner destructiveness to the surface.
Then, when intimate awareness of the negative arises, we simply need to feel the feelings that arise, come to acceptance, and focus our intention to change to constructiveness. The Higher Self continues its active role, now using its power and wisdom to effect a transformation of the Lower Self negativity.
With some attention and practice in this direction, we become aware of places in our life with an imbalance of control. It becomes noticeable when we take the path of least resistance and trace it back to destructive areas of our psyche.
From here it’s always in our hands: “This problem is beyond the ability of my usual self to solve. I am in despair, fear and confusion, and my thoughts, feelings and actions are leading me into greater hopelessness. I call on the divine center of my being to actively help me. I ask it to bring me the constructive attitudes, feelings and actions I need right now for a healthy approach to life.”
Then we let go and trust—allowing the flow of our life force to carry us.
Healthy balance takes time and patience
It often happens that we try out this process and find that it works in a marvelous way. We think: this is it, problem solved. But the initial excitement fades when the negativity reappears.
Fully integrating these split-off parts of us takes time and patience. And at this point, we’ve just started the process in this specific area of our psyche. We will have to give this process our steady attention and ongoing, consistent effort. The process must be repeated until our psyche can respond constructively and effortlessly to life in this area.
Because the psyche has so many facets, we must keep our eyes open for the many ways our life may be blocked from inside. When emotional reactions arise, the first task is to stop the slide into destructive moods. Then, reach for the inner self. Every time we do this, the inner walls of separation become a little thinner.
The more this approach is used, the fuller our experience of life must be. With consistent work, we begin to experience this tremendous power that is activated as part of us. It is our power.
Through the effort of deliberately calling on this great power inside, the outer personality begins to experience oneness with it. The sensation of having another, separate being inside is gradually replaced by an experience of unity. Likewise, the perception that outer events in our life are random and unrelated to us will fade, replaced by the clarity of cause and effect.
As we continue to connect with inner destructiveness that we were completely unaware of, we also connect with power beyond our imagination. In situations that appeared unsolvable, creative solutions that benefit all involved will suddenly appear.
When we accept that life’s challenges cannot be solved by the outer personality alone and allow the inner being to shine through, paths for growth and expansion will appear.
Love as a mirror of balance
Let’s explore how this works in practice. Closely examining love can help us understand how a healthy balance of control is expressed in life. The desire for love is universal—everyone needs and wants a vibrant exchange of love. With a healthy balance, we give ourselves freely to life and others, without a trace of fear. When we do this, we allow those we love to also be free.
By dropping all the subtle pressures of forcing, owning, demanding, and controlling others, we ourselves cannot be forced or controlled. And this dissolves all fear of both loving and being loved.
Healthy balance leads to the realization that love is an enormous freedom. It is a simple matter of letting it in. Love will come, without any need to grasp. Knowing we can receive what is already ours allows us to give others the same complete freedom.
Love is an endless stream that is already and always ours when we stop the kind of ego control that impedes it. We separate ourselves from the stream of love through the wrong type of ego control. But this stream is completely safe and free from conflict.
No control of this stream was ever needed in the first place, so moving into the stream of love does not mean losing control. This allows us to be self-governing in the fullest, healthy sense.
Unhealthy balance of control
An unhealthy balance of control always leads to an either-or dualistic outcome. Both sides are always in distortion. In the case of love, the choice is either a fake version of love or a fake version of freedom.
In this distortion, love—without healthy freedom—is equated with possession. Using love to control the other person is a false version of love. The two possible responses from the other person are to either reject the attempted control or to become a submissive martyr. And neither of these builds an authentic connection.
The outcome of unhealthy control is a complete misunderstanding of love. Yes, we are desperate and starved for love. But, deep down, we know it’s not possible to control another person to the degree we hunger for their love. Likewise, if we think love means controlling the other person, then the only way to receive love from others is to submit to them.
Both either-or options have deep seated fear. We fear our ability to control the other will be inadequate, and we fear the other person’s demand for control will bring our downfall.
The only outcome possible is a simultaneous deep longing for love while also being in deep fear and rejection of it.
This works in a vicious circle. The fears around controlling and being controlled reinforce our false understanding about letting go. In distortion, letting go means becoming distant, disengaged, numb and separate.
From this place of hopelessness, it is impossible to envision the reality that love and freedom are one. Because in the vicious circle, love means lack of freedom. Perhaps we see through this dilemma with our thinking minds, but deep in our emotions, it’s another matter.
Asking our divine core to lead the way
The outer personality, with its thinking and will alone, can’t escape this vicious circle. The false control that it believes will keep it safe only hardens the illusory wall of separation. And the ego can’t understand or fix the situation. It isn’t capable of that. But—what a relief—it doesn’t have to.
Our divine core, already existing inside us, knows precisely how to love without fear, in complete freedom. We just need to take the much easier step of calling upon the part of ourselves that already knows how to navigate life.
Our divine core is within us—it is us—always present and ready to help. No situation in our life, no matter how large or small, needs to remain stuck, unsolved or terrifying. We truly have unlimited power at our fingertips to solve all our problems.
The key is that we must begin by solving our own inner problems. Before this power is available to use in our outer life, we must first master our inner life—including all our negativity and destructiveness. And it’s always available to help us shift from cruelty to connection and establish integrity within.
We simply need to request guidance from our inner self in every stage on the journey to establishing full self-hood. Anything constructive that moves through our life comes from this divine core. It is available at any point that we consciously call upon it. But it cannot respond unless we want it and make room for it.
With a little deliberate effort in this direction, the life force inside can spontaneously and effortlessly move through us.
Confronting our doubts
Yet the biggest obstacle is our ignorance, fear and doubt of our divine core. There are many possibilities why this is so. Often we feel pleasure from wallowing in our misery. And we fear the loss of that pleasure should we give up the misery.
We may fear how much power we truly have, or fear the ecstatic positive pleasure we could take in. For we fear pleasure and intimacy to the same degree as we fear death.
Or we may doubt the very existence of our divine core. We may consider ourselves far too intelligent to believe such divinity—with literally unlimited power for creating our life,—could exist inside us without our awareness.
Fortunately, the process described here is an intelligent, thoughtful way to directly confront our doubt. We can test this power today, in this moment, through the process of establishing a healthy balance of inner and outer control.
Whatever our doubts are, we will need to confront them head on. Because even when we understand and practice these tools, we still have doubts.
If our doubt remains just empty talk, we’re not really invested in finding out whether our doubt is wise. We will need to be honest about it and put our doubts to a rigorous test. Let’s look more closely at how to confront our doubts in a healthy way.
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Read Original Pathwork® Lecture #37: Balance of Inner and Outer Control
