Pain

What it is

Pain points toward something in us that needs to be experienced, understood and transformed. When pain remains trapped within us, it points to places where we have become separated from truth.

Why it matters

Avoiding pain prolongs it. Feeling pain consciously allows it to move through us so that it no longer governs our lives.

From Bones

~1~

In every child’s life, there will be circumstances that are unhappy. Disappointment and pain are the human common denominator.

But if we don’t let these experiences be felt and moved along, they will stagnate. This creates a dull climate of vague unhappiness that we will struggle to pinpoint. We’ll just take it for granted that this is how the world is.

The danger is that we’ll formulate an unconscious resolution for dealing with this: “If I want to prevent feeling the pain of being unhappy, I must stop myself from feeling altogether.”

This is one of the most basic wrong conclusions that people draw about life. (Chapter 1)

~2~

At one time or another—and chances are we’ll never remember having made this decision—we put our stake in the ground and decided to feel no more pain. From then on, we withdrew from living and from loving. (Chapter 1)

~3~

When we accept our hate, we become more loving; accepting our weakness is the doorway to finding our own strength; accepting our pain is the way to find our bliss. Without question, a spiritual path is filled with many paradoxes like this. (Chapter 2)

~4~

No matter how undesirable a feeling is, we compound our pain when we won’t feel it. And that secondary pain becomes twisted and unbearable.

But if we accept and feel our pain, it starts the dissolving process automatically. (Chapter 2)

~5~

No matter how understandable it is that a present unfulfillment hurts, it’s really our pain from childhood that stings so much. (Chapter 8)

~6~

It will be helpful to understand that the pain hurts more when we are unaware of it. Ignoring it won’t make it go away, and it won’t make things better… We can turn our painful feelings into healthy growing pains whenever we become ready to rid ourselves of the bitterness and tension we’ve been hiding. (Chapter 8)

~7~

We’ll come to realize that pain feels far better than being alienated from ourselves and feeling numb. (Chapter 10)

~8~

We have been running away from original pains and frustrations for a very long time. Consequently, there is much we need to now face and feel, understand and assimilate. Only after we’ve gone through all this, emptying our inner well of what is old and immature, will new constructive patterns find a solid foundation.

The longer we put this off, the harder it will be to pass from childhood into adulthood. Even if we were to die as a child in this lifetime, we will eventually have to cross this threshold…

Whatever we must travel through is a growing pain that brings us to our final destination. (Chapter 10)

Continue with: Duality • Emotional Reaction • Feeling