Pride

What it is

Pride is our resistance to being seen as we are. It tries to protect us from vulnerability by identifying with who we think we should already be instead of honestly accepting where we are now.

Why it matters

Together with self-will and fear, pride forms one of the three fundamental distortions described throughout the Pathwork. Pride keeps us from admitting the truth about ourselves, making humility indispensable for spiritual growth.

From Bones

~1~

What’s the formula for creating fear? Denying our shame and pride.

We think we shouldn’t be where we are—we should be better than we are—and that it’s humiliating to be vulnerable and have certain feelings. We have the sense that we suffered as a child because we are unacceptable and unlovable.

All this makes us deny what’s real, right now. (Chapter 2)

~2~

Strong feelings of fear can lead to terror, which can bring about acute crisis. But under all this will be the original kernels of shame or pride.

We believe we suffered as children because we weren’t worthy of being loved. And we are ashamed to expose this personal inadequacy.

What has the power to dissolve fear? Crossing the barrier of our pride, shame, humiliation and embarrassment.

These are what we have to face. (Chapter 2)

~3~

Those of us who glorify negative traits, think they prove how strong and independent we are. We would be deeply ashamed to don the “goodness” mask of another’s idealized self.

We prefer to feel superior and aloof.

The other seems weak and vulnerable and dependent to us. What we’re overlooking is just how vulnerable our pride makes us. There is nothing that causes so much fear. (Chapter 6)

~4~

We need to see where we are caught in pride, and notice the self-punishment that often follows. We get so impatient and irritated with ourselves when we fall short—which of course is bound to happen. (Chapter 6)

~5~

Over time, we will learn to combine our own capacity for love with power and serenity. We’ll find we can communicate with others in love and understanding while remaining truly independent.

We won’t look to love, power or serenity to supply our missing self-respect.

We’ll experience healthy power, free from pride and defiance, without wanting to have power over others. We’ll learn how to use our power for the sake of growing and for mastering our own difficulties—without needing to prove anything to anyone. (Chapter 7)

~6~

There’s one common denominator that everyone needs to be on the lookout for: pride. To find it, we will need to do some serious self-probing. (Chapter 9)

~7~

We’re snagged on pride when our ego thinks we’re more important than other people, so we want advantages for ourselves. In short, we become preoccupied with ourselves. (Chapter 13)

Continue with: Humility • Self-will • Idealized Self-image