Looking at our problems from this perspective, and allowing our unfelt feelings to surface, will give us a lot more insight…

How do we do this? We take a current problem and strip it down. Get rid of the rationalizations that prove how the other is at fault. Who cares. Then we look at our anger, our resentments, our anxiety and our frustrations. Behind these lies the hurt of not being loved. Feeling this hurt will reawaken the childhood hurt. It’s the same hurt. No matter how understandable it is that a present unfulfillment hurts, it’s really our pain from childhood that stings so bad. We must let ourselves feel both.

It’s like two picture slides must come together, one that was “then” and one that is “now.” They must gradually slide over top of each other and come into focus. We must see how they are one, how what’s happening now is a recreation of what happened then. That was then, this is now. Going all the way through this process will bring us out of our trance and into current reality.

During this process, we will want to reflect on memories of situations with our parents. How did we really feel about them? What was it that hurt? We will discover that our hurts haven’t been forgotten at all. But we must go beyond intellectual knowledge of our memories and recreations. We must go into our feelings and work our way all the way through to the other side.

Then later we will come to see how we set the whole painful current-day scenario up, in our attempt to right the painful wrong of our childhood…By releasing the pain we feel now, which is inextricably bound to the hurt of then, we’ll see how we thought we had to choose this situation or admit defeat.


How and Why we Recreate Childhood Hurts

BONES: A Building-Block Collection of 19 Fundamental Spiritual Teachings