GREEN Hidden wrong conclusions
Recreating childhood hurts
Healing our inner split is a key reason we incarnate into this difficult dualistic sphere.
When we are born, we are already split into either a male half or a female half. Our longing to unite with another stems from this cleaving of our soul. (The Pull, Chapter 1: The cosmic pull toward union)
Each soul also contains a primary inner split; healing this split is a key reason we incarnate into this dualistic sphere. This split gets transferred onto our parents. One parent surfaces one side of what we believe to be true, and the other parent surfaces the opposite belief. (For example, “It hurts to be seen; it hurts to not be seen.”) Neither side is in truth. This is what the adult will need to come to understand.
Until we surface these hidden untruths, we will unconsciously transfer our inner splits and faulty thinking onto everyone we meet. We will see them through our inner distorted lenses rather than in the reality of who they are: people with both strengths and weaknesses, just like us, who in fact are not our parents. (Bones, Chapter 11: Our habit of transferring our split onto everyone)
Due our inner split and other distortions, our needs do not get met in childhood. This is painful.
Children want to be loved 100%, caught as they are in the all-or-nothing thinking of duality. But due to the parents’ human limitations (they have their own splits and distortions) it is not possible for our parents to give us the 100% love we demand as children. As we grow older, we often remain stuck in similarly demanding love, having not received it the way we wanted it as a child. But in fact, love can’t come to us this way as adults. And if it did, we wouldn’t let it in given our now-defended state. (Gems, Chapter 13: Landing our desires by letting go of our demands)
Our parents are selected for their ability to create the ideal conditions that will bring our splits and distortions to the surface. This happens so we will be able to see them in this lifetime and heal them.
Often, we wish we’d had “better, more loving” parents. But if such parents were available, we would not have been born to them. For that would defeat the whole purpose of incarnating. Again, our issues must come to the surface for us to see them. Then we can do the work needed to heal them. (Note, perfect parenting is not required for a child to feel loved; if “good enough” parenting is offered, the child does not suffer. To the extent our relationship with our parents is healthy and fulfilling, to that extent we are healed on our inner layers.) (Pearls, Chapter 5: Preparing for reincarnation: Every life counts)
Due our inner split and other distortions, then, working in concert with the splits and distortions of our parents (and siblings or family substitutes), our needs do not get met in childhood. This is painful.
We fear pain so we avoid our old frozen feelings. But this only allows our Emotional Reactions to control us.
Fear: In our immature state, caused by our unwillingness to express and release our old pain, we see life in black-and-white terms. Caught in this dualistic illusion, everything boils down to life-and-death. So pleasure equates to life and pain equates to death. In short, we fear pain because we unconsciously believe it means death. We avoid our old frozen feelings as a way to avoid pain. But this only allows our Emotional Reactions to control us. (Blinded by Fear: Insights from the Pathwork Guide on how to face our fears)
Often, in our hopelessness, we will resign ourselves to “death”, giving up on getting pleasure or on getting what we want. But this is just an ineffective strategy for coping with our fear of pain, and our belief that pain will kill us. (Gems, Chapter 5: Facing our deepest fear and unfolding our greatest longing)
Pride: This is the feeling that we are separate and better than everyone else. That to have life, we must win. We adopt this attitude as a countermeasure against feeling less than everyone. For our less-than-satisfying childhood leaves us feeling worthless or somehow not enough.
Due to our one-size-fits-all strategy of numbing and avoiding, we don’t fully embody our own selves. So we become alienated from ourselves.
We numb ourselves to avoid feeling painful feelings. This is a one-size-fits-all strategy that stops positive feelings right along with negative feelings. One primary way we blocked our feelings as children was by holding our breath, or breathing shallowly. We still do this as adults when unpleasant feelings arise, and often this becomes habitual. As a result, we don’t fully embody our own selves. We become alienated from ourselves and ungrounded. We also add in distractions and addictions to further avoid our feelings. (Finding Gold, Chapter 5: Self-alienation and the way back to the Real Self)
This numbing action creates frozen blocks in our energy field, which are in turn held in the body. They will remain frozen until we feel and release the unfelt pain held in them.
Our bodies develop their shapes following patterns that result from the way we freeze our feelings. We can trace iIllness in the body to our early reaction to pain.
There is no particular order for reading and working with these topics. For on a spiritual path, we step into doing our healing work wherever, whenever and however it surfaces. What matters is to cover them all over time.